Oh, the little things. She’s now in her thirties, looking back at all that has occurred over the past five years. Five years ago, she was starry-eyed, looking into the future and where she would be. Wrapped up in wedding plans, she dreamed of the family they would create together, and what life would be like as she became a wife, and then…a mother.
Five years later, here she sits, drinking her coffee and reflecting in the quiet moments before the house erupts with noise. Nursing baby number three in the wee hours of quiet sunrise, it appears she has it all.
A house with a white picket fence in a sweet little neighborhood. Three beautiful children, a crazy dog, and everything the Jones’s have.
So why the heavy weight in the house? Why is it that she sits here, feeling like she is suffocating, spiraling down into the chaos that is simply surviving through the day?
- she’s hit a dead end
- not heard
- out of whack
- comfortably numb
- always behind
As she looks down at the sweetly content baby, she dreams of something more. Her expectations of what motherhood would be are vastly different than the life she’s sitting in now. When she imagined “home” for the family they created, it was far from this reality. It’s only in basking in the sweet moments like right now that she remembers those little things that keep her going.
From Chaos to Intention
How do you go from a spot like this to a home life that has that “om” feeling? How do you bring peace and harmony into a home that is all about survival?
You may dream of these words describing your home life:
- safe haven
But how? You have bills to pay, so at least one of you must be absent to bring home the paycheck, leaving the other as a single parent.
Your baby is growing, and it’s rare you get a full nights’ sleep.
Negotiating exhaustion along with being the only one juggling everyone’s schedules is enough.
Add in food and the ongoing to-do list of maintaining a household, and it’s easy to see how you can go from “happy family” to super overwhelmed.
But guess what? As crazy as it may seem, you are still in charge of your own reality.
Don’t Become A Victim Of Circumstance
I am not going to say that building a family is all glitter and unicorns. Glitter, in fact, has been banished from our home ever since a well-meaning babysitter thought it would be a great idea to use “fairy dust” in our kitchen. I think we still have sparkles in the corners.
Expecting pure calm and serenity with babies, toddlers, children in general is a clear road to dissapointment. Life is going to get crazy. It will undoubtedly be messy and throw curveballs – that’s what having children does!
But I promise you, this does not mean you are simply a victim to circumstances. You may not be able to control your child’s wildly swinging emotions or the fact that the dishwasher just overflowed on the same day company is coming for the weekend. There will be times that it all is just. plain. crazy.
Yet we have an incredible superpower in this one thing: everything within us, we have the power to control. We are in charge of our mindset and perspective, our patience level, our attitude and reaction to others.
This is where I have seen powerful transformations in families. It’s not about eliminating all crazy or becoming a schedule sergeant who just barks orders to her little “army.”
It’s the little things you can do to shift the focus – to stop telling yourself, “I’m overwhelmed” and to start saying “I’ve chosen this life and I’m going to embrace it and make it the best I can.”
The Little Things
The tiny shifts make all the difference:
- Learn the personality styles of your family members. Explore what motivates them and what shuts them down.
- Understand what fears trigger reactive behavior
- Create a family mission that lays out the words you want to describe your family.
- “Dummy Proof” your day – set out the coffee the night before, prep foods in advance – plan ahead!
- Practice a mantra tone of repeating whatever word resonates with you (ie “love”) to help keep your perspective for the day
- Take a breather – before you even start your day, stretch. Meditate. Take ten minutes for yourself, even if it means getting up ten minutes earlier.
Remember the little things. One tiny step toward being intentional about your day can make a huge shift from reactivity to a family lifestyle that allows you to be intentionally present. We cannot control all chaos. Life will continue to throw curveballs our way – your kids will make sure of it. However, this in no way means you have to live life as a “victim of circumstance.”
Little Things Don’t Mean Life Is Perfect
My intention on this whole site is not to create a controlled life where every “i” is dotted and “t” is crossed. Life is messy! But oh, this life is grand. These little things – the little baby steps to gain some peace, clarity, and direction…these make it not only manageable, but enjoyable. Simply because you implement a few small tasks and rituals in your life, you can allow for more time to soak in those little things and not simply get caught up in the reaction of it all.
Don’t try to make your family what it isn’t. Don’t resent what is. Simply add in some essentials in your life that allow for you remember those reasons why you created this family in the first place. Go back to those dreams you envisioned and pay attention to what you hoped for. Dream, and then – implement. Make a plan to start creating that new family vision that allows for rest, relaxation, and play.
If you need more direction, or want me to help you craft this vision and get it started in your family today, do this one “little thing” step – hop over to my coaching page and fill out the application at the bottom. Don’t even worry about the precise package, but let me talk with you and see exactly what you need for your family. You’re not in this alone. There are so many resources to help you on this path, and you – and your family – deserve to enjoy this beautiful life. Namaste