The Top Qualities for a Successful Marriage (Episode 123)
What are the top qualities you need for a successful marriage? Dr. Laura Berman shares some based on research and studies, and we add in our own critical essentials for a successful, happy and healthy relationship!
In this episode and post below, you'll find all kinds of resources to rock your marriage - so dig in and start getting intentional about it!
Dr. Laura Berman
I get all kinds of blog posts and articles in my email inbox, and I skim over the headlines to see what piques my interest for content here on the blog, podcast and more.
This week was inspired by a blog post by Dr. Laura Berman, titled "Study Reveals The Top 2 Qualities You Need For A Successful Marriage".
Interestingly, she didn't actually link to the study, but suffice it to say, I agree with her. It's not what you would expect, but self-control and conscientiousness are definitely essential to marriage success.
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Where are we this week?
It's been quite some time since we've really shared about our travels and where we are!
We're back in Florida for the winter, and just left a crazy place...the "Swamp Ape Headquarters" in Ochopee, Florida...right in the Everglades. The "Swamp Ape" or "Skunk Ape" is basically the Florida Everglades version of Big Foot, and this campground played it up quite a bit!
Although there were way more hokey gifts with the swamp ape on them than actual facts around this mysterious creature, it was a fun place to stay for a bit!
Your Relationship During The Holidays
Especially during the holiday season, or around any big events, it can add extra stress and tension to a relationship when you have high expectations, are pressed for time, overloaded/overwhelmed with obligation, etc. So how do you ensure your marriage doesn't suffer?
Dr. Laura Berman shares about self-control and conscientiousness. We'll break it down a bit below.
Why is self-control so important in a marriage? We've done many episodes talking about self-control in various ways. People who are disciplined enough to hold back and discern, who stick with their commitments, and who take care of themselves and their surroundings are more likely to also invest in their relationship and do the work to stay intentional with it.
When your intentions and goals are pointed in the same direction, you can manage the madness that comes along the way.
Some additional resources for you
- Feeling completely overwhelmed and stressed out?
- 7 Seconds will change your communication and connection (Episode 62)
- My Marriage Sucks (Episode 66)
- How Do You Navigate Gender Roles In Marriage? (Episode 56)
- Welcome to the Fight Club – Choose Wisely (Episode 34)
- It’s Not A Habit; It’s Intimacy (Episode 25)
- What We Have Here Is A Failure To Communicate! (Episode 8)
- Fighting Toward a Win-Win (Episode 9)
- Growability and a Big Dose of Humble Pie (Episode 10)
- Relationships: How Do You Play That Game? (Episode 11)
- On Getting Lost, Laughter, and the Wisdom of Dr. Dre (Episode 12)
- Who Has Time For Sex As A Parent, Anyway? (Episode 14)
- What Do You Want This Life To Be? (Episode 16)
- 3 Secrets for A Long-Lasting Marriage
- 37 Essential Tips To Save Your Marriage
- Romance May Be A Hue, But Desire Is The Sunshine
- Lighten Up With The One You Love – Get Out And Play!
- Pride Goeth Before A Fall – Can Your Marriage Hold Up?
- Love And Marriage – See The Good
I have to admit, I wanted to make sure I didn't really mess up the definition of what this means:
So it's not about doing something nice one time and thinking that covers it. You can't get the token flower bouquet at Valentine's day and then assume you're golden 'till Christmas. It's doing your best, with integrity, day in and day out. It's choosing to show up and shine regularly for your partner.
We've talked often about growth mindset and the importance of being open to learning and growing all the time. It's our functional education approach; something that continues your whole life. We always, always, have the opportunity to learn and grow. It's all in our mindset and approach toward life.
Humility and Letting Go
And the biggie that goes hand in hand with growth mindset is being willing to accept your mistakes, forgive, and move on. This goes both ways. Sometimes true humility is going to your partner and saying, "I missed up, and I'm sorry". Sometimes, it's saying, "that hurt me and makes me feel very defensive". It's acknowledging your vulnerability and your humanity no matter what side of the coin you're standing on.
And it's being willing to voice it, forgive it, and then let it go. This is essential. What good does it do to hold on to the pain of the past, or a mess-up that was just flat out being human and getting it wrong? Does it help you moving forward? The lesson can...the regret or resentment...maybe not so much.
Think long and hard about what you're holding onto and if it's doing you -or your relationship - any good.
Your Weekly Challenge:
Take these tips from Dr. Laura Berman and from us.
Do a personal inventory here. Where do you stand with this? Do you practice self-control? Are you conscientious and intentional about your relationship, and committed to give it your all?
What about growth and humility? Are you holding on to bitterness, or unable to admit when you're wrong? Does that help you, or hurt you?
Ask yourself some key questions:
- Am I where I want to be?
- Am I truly happy?
- What am I tolerating?
- What role can I play to improve this?
You have an impact. Everywhere you go, you have an impact. Emotionally, energetically, you have more power than you may give yourself credit for. Do your own personal inventory first, and then talk this over with your spouse.
I am passionate that each of us has our own unique strengths that are important to share. You are powerful beyond measure. You make an impact. And so does everyone else in your family. The more you can understand that, know how to interconnect, and have grace, the more your family will thrive. Because ultimately, the uniqueness in each of us strengthens all of us.
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