The Top Qualities for a Successful Marriage (Episode 123) ⋆ Mama Says Namaste

The Top Qualities for a Successful Marriage (Episode 123)

What are the top qualities you need for a successful marriage? Dr. Laura Berman shares some based on research and studies, and we add in our own critical essentials for a successful, happy and healthy relationship!

In this episode and post below, you'll find all kinds of resources to rock your marriage - so dig in and start getting intentional about it!

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Dr. Laura Berman

I get all kinds of blog posts and articles in my email inbox, and I skim over the headlines to see what piques my interest for content here on the blog, podcast and more. 

This week was inspired by a blog post by Dr. Laura Berman, titled "Study Reveals The Top 2 Qualities You Need For A Successful Marriage".

Interestingly, she didn't actually link to the study, but suffice it to say, I agree with her. It's not what you would expect, but self-control and conscientiousness are definitely essential to marriage success. 

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Where are we this week?


It's been quite some time since we've really shared about our travels and where we are! 

We're back in Florida for the winter, and just left a crazy place...the "Swamp Ape Headquarters" in Ochopee, Florida...right in the Everglades. The "Swamp Ape" or "Skunk Ape" is basically the Florida Everglades version of Big Foot, and this campground played it up quite a bit!

Although there were way more hokey gifts with the swamp ape on them than actual facts around this mysterious creature, it was a fun place to stay for a bit!

Your Relationship During The Holidays

Especially during the holiday season, or around any big events, it can add extra stress and tension to a relationship when you have high expectations, are pressed for time, overloaded/overwhelmed with obligation, etc. So how do you ensure your marriage doesn't suffer?

Dr. Laura Berman shares about self-control and conscientiousness. We'll break it down a bit below.

Self-Control

Why is self-control so important in a marriage? We've done many episodes talking about self-control in various ways. People who are disciplined enough to hold back and discern, who stick with their commitments, and who take care of themselves and their surroundings are more likely to also invest in their relationship and do the work to stay intentional with it. 

When your intentions and goals are pointed in the same direction, you can manage the madness that comes along the way.

Conscientousness

I have to admit, I wanted to make sure I didn't really mess up the definition of what this means:

So it's not about doing something nice one time and thinking that covers it. You can't get the token flower bouquet at Valentine's day and then assume you're golden 'till Christmas. It's doing your best, with integrity, day in and day out. It's choosing to show up and shine regularly for your partner. 

Growth Mindset

We've talked often about growth mindset and the importance of being open to learning and growing all the time. It's our functional education approach; something that continues your whole life. We always, always, have the opportunity to learn and grow. It's all in our mindset and approach toward life. 

Humility and Letting Go

And the biggie that goes hand in hand with growth mindset is being willing to accept your mistakes, forgive, and move on. This goes both ways. Sometimes true humility is going to your partner and saying, "I missed up, and I'm sorry". Sometimes, it's saying, "that hurt me and makes me feel very defensive". It's acknowledging your vulnerability and your humanity no matter what side of the coin you're standing on.

And it's being willing to voice it, forgive it, and then let it go. This is essential. What good does it do to hold on to the pain of the past, or a mess-up that was just flat out being human and getting it wrong? Does it help you moving forward? The lesson can...the regret or resentment...maybe not so much.

Think long and hard about what you're holding onto and if it's doing you -or your relationship - any good.

Your Weekly Challenge:

Take these tips from Dr. Laura Berman and from us.

Do a personal inventory here. Where do you stand with this? Do you practice self-control? Are you conscientious and intentional about your relationship, and committed to give it your all?

What about growth and humility? Are you holding on to bitterness, or unable to admit when you're wrong? Does that help you, or hurt you?

Ask yourself some key questions:

  • Am I where I want to be?
  • Am I truly happy?
  • What am I tolerating?
  • What role can I play to improve this?

You have an impact. Everywhere you go, you have an impact. Emotionally, energetically, you have more power than you may give yourself credit for. Do your own personal inventory first, and then talk this over with your spouse. 

I am passionate that each of us has our own unique strengths that are important to share. You are powerful beyond measure. You make an impact. And so does everyone else in your family. The more you can understand that, know how to interconnect, and have grace, the more your family will thrive. Because ultimately, the uniqueness in each of us strengthens all of us. 

Namaste 

Nathan and Ashley Logsdon

Questions or comments?

Personality styles, marriage/intimacy, parenting, education, minimalism or travel - what is pressing on your mind?

Or, hop on over to the Mama Says Namaste or Unschooling Families FB groups and ask your question there!

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Ashley Logsdon

Ashley Logsdon is a Family and Personality Styles Coach and Lifelong Learner. She and her husband Nathan are RVing the States and unschooling their 3 girls. Her mission is to shift the mindsets of families from reaction to intention, and guide them in creating the family they love coming home to. Looking deeper than the surface, we assess the strengths, triggers, and simplifying your lifestyle so you truly recognize how the uniqueness in each of us strengthens all of us. Join the Mama Says Namaste Facebook Group

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