Welcome to the Fight Club – Choose Wisely (Episode 34)
You may hear “pick your battles,” but how easy is it to do that in the heat of the moment, when you’re frustrated, tense, and have no patience left? In this podcast, our daughter Clara joins us and we share about a crazy utopian society, how to pick your battles, and 4 powerful tips to diffuse the fight before it starts.
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Where we have been – Koreshan State Park –
The Koreshan Unity was a communal utopia formed by Cyrus Teed, – The Koreshan Unity started in the 1870s in New York, where Teed started preaching his beliefs – Eventually, Teed took his followers to Estero, Florida, to form his “New Jerusalem” in 1894. (and no, “voluptuous” in no way means an 18” waist, Nathan!)
The community was at its peak 1903-1908, when it had over 250 residents – In 1908 Teed got in a skirmish with a local Marshal over preaching their beliefs and was beat down After Teed died in 1908 the group went into decline.
Follow www.Instagram.com/FieldTripGypsies to see all our pictures of this place
Pick your battles. You don’t have to show up to every argument you’re invited to. Mandy Hale
Episode 9 – Fighting Toward a win-win (discussion is not a monologue)
“Practice being kind rather than being right.” Go back to “what is your goal” in this.
Be careful about going down the long road of fighting a battle that may just not be worth fighting. It’s okay to be human and recognize when a battle has gotten bigger than your relationship. Step out of it. Don’t die on that hill. Your relationship is worth more than that.
• Where is my tension? Do a body scan – where are you feeling your anger? Are you going to simply react out of anger?
Point this out in your children – “is your chest really tight?” “Are your fists clenched?” A thief doesn’t like to have a light shined on them – bring light to the negative feeling in your – or your child’s – body. Notice it, and watch how it can dissipate.
• Ask yourself, “is this more about my convenience or their needs?” Which is more important at that moment?
Patience – we are given opportunities for it. And although it might take forever, when I’ve held back, the kids work it out on their own. For example, potty time. It takes forever.
• Take a perspective check and determine the urgency of the situation
What will I lose if I let go of my expectation in this moment?
For parking lot drama or a late airplane flight – take over and move them out on. Shoes on just-so before a walk…we wait.
• Take a deep breath, and count to seven. This helps to re-set and cool you down, and allows your child to process and think about their part in it all.
Taking a breather can be helpful – kill two birds with one stone with the pull-up bar. Let kids see us give ourselves a time out. Shake off all that negative energy. Check out Dr. Laura Bergman’s Quantum Love series.
It can take 7 seconds for an S or C personality to process, while it’s 3 seconds for a D or I. Learn about your style with a Namaste Snapshot.
Check out this scenario, on the case of the teddy bear outfit: Pick Your Battles
Reminder of the thriving/surviving quiz:
Want to skip straight to the free video email series for bedtime
battles? Go here!
30 Day Challenge: 30 questions to ask your children…like,
I love this one because I captured the girls’ response on video: If you could ask a wild animal any question, what would you ask them?
“What’s your super hero name and what powers do you have?”
“My superhero name is Rosette. I have powers to love and powers to be who I am. And I’m a bucket filler.” Juliet, age 5
Or – you’re at the beach, what’s the first thing you do? Debbie Anderson and Lindsay Black both said take off their shoes –
If you want more proof that grounding works, check out this article.
Your challenge this week: Ground yourself. Before you react, assess. Feel the earth at your feet and determine how much you’re battle really matters.
That stance someone else takes may not be about winning or losing, but about a different perspective, and it’s one more step in understanding how the uniqueness in each of us strengthens all of us.
Care for some Q&A? Hit us with any questions you have, and we’ll send you a personal email response back and may address it on a future podcast! Simply email Ashley directly at [email protected]
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*Podcast music by the awesome Renee & Jeremy who cover “Put a Little Love In Your Heart” by Jackie DeShannon. Props to both of them for this beautiful rendition that epitomizes what I want for families!