Empowering the Littles (Episode 63)
If you want to talk about empowering kids, get to know how they tick first. Some people ease into life on their own time. They think three times and speak once. They hone in the details, they thrive on the deeper relationships, and they are what we call our Ss and Cs. We'll share insights on how to navigate your strengths to truly thrive, as well as insights into how to motivate and communicate with your S and C children.
In this episode, learn about the S and C personality styles and how to really empower kids!
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We are a beautiful Blend
We are a beautiful blend of personality styles. Our "dosages" are different for each of us - a blend of strengths that aren't black and white on these styles. Yet, if we stray too far from who you are at the core, you'll find a dissonance that is not sustainable long term.
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Where are we this week?
This week...we are in Yellowstone! I am officially unplugged this week to allow for the opportunity to simply reconnect as a family and move away from the screens. I'm enjoying my downtime away from the busy-ness of the internet and getting some quality outdoor time in Yellowstone.
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Don't Confuse Kindness with Weakness
With an S personality style, they flow like water - not jumping and bouncing all over. They take the path of least resistance...not as a sign of laziness, but because we all have a tendency to gravitate toward what energizes us. And ironically, what energizes an S may be down time and rest. They are like a Golden Retriever or Dove - loyal, faithful, peacemaker, steady, relationships-oriented.
S personality styles do not like conflict. This can be a strength, as they navigate mediating and finding a peaceful solution. And, it can be a drawback when they avoid and shut down...until they can't take it anymore and explode.
What can trigger an S shutting down, avoiding, being unmotivated, or becoming apathetic? S styles need security and comfort. Consistency is comfortable. When an S is feeling overwhelmed with change, this negative reaction comes out. So before you leap down your "lazy" teen's throat, pay attention to what else may be going on. It may have nothing to do with a dirty room or a sloppy written paper. They may be struggling with the ups and downs of adolescence, transitioning to another grade in school, or some other transition in their lives that is causing upheaval in their consistent world.
Don't get engulfed in perfectionism. Flexibility is key!
A C personality style loves the detail. They look to the past for proof. Statistics, validation, facts and proof - this is what a C style loves. The animals are a beaver and an owl - lots of details and research.
What can hold them back is the desire to have everything perfect. Because they hate criticism, they want to get it right. So they can get lost in "paralysis by analysis." There is that fear that others will notice...yet in the scope of life, it may not be that huge of a deal.
It's important to have a heart/desire for understanding of others. Look at the core - why is the behavior happening? What lies deeper than the surface? Don't just slap a bandaid on it; figure out the root cause.
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How can an S personality style be assertive, when at the core they will avoid conflict? It is this - they instigate a conversation for the good of the relationship. When the bottom line focus is about the relationship, an S may have way more courage than even they may recognize. Ss can have a voice, speak up, confront. It's all about the motivation, though. If it is necessary to achieve the relationship connection they want, THAT is what gives them the courage to step out. It's all about the relationship vs. the task or accomplishment.
It's so powerful to know what type of personality style you are interacting with. If you are a high D or I and you barrel in to a high C (or S, for that matter), you're going to get an overwhelmed individual. Simply recognizing that if you prepare them by saying "is this a good time to talk?" will help them to shift their focus vs. just dumping on them with no preparation.
Instead of simply reacting to the negative behavior your child may exhibit, get intentional about fostering the behavior you do.
Pull their strengths out and ask your children for help. Ask a D to lead or direct something. Ask an I to pull friends in and get a party going. Ask an S to help you on a project, or read a book to others. Ask a C to help you with your schedule.
Your children want to have a role in the family. We want to empower them as parents for them to have a significant role. This is a team effort of the whole family working together - not little minions with no voice. The more you can hone in on their strengths, the more they are able to step up and really feel like they are a significant part. The uniqueness in each of us strengthens all of us.
Each of us has an impact on the world. Like it or not, everyone is a teacher. The more you can be intentional about it - the more you can foster awareness on everyone's impact on each other - the more you will foster that ownership. Be a team, not just pawns.
When you give them a voice in your home, it helps them learn how to have a voice beyond their family. Your family is a place for your children to practice spreading their wings before they go out into the world.
Each of us has an impact on the world. How are you leaving your mark?
Your Weekly Challenge:
Practice empowerment with your family this week. How can everyone be a part of the team - not as a required chore, but asking them for help and support. They have a voice, make an impact and are an important part in your home.
The more we recognize those personality styles and those strengths and what triggers us, the more we can come back to how the uniqueness in each of us strengthens all of us.
Questions or comments?
Personality styles, marriage/intimacy, parenting, education, minimalism or travel - what is pressing on your mind?
Or, hop on over to the Mama Says Namaste or Unschooling Families FB groups and ask your question there!