Money, Marriage, and Mountain Lions (Episode 58)
Nathan shares his story of coming up face-to-face with a mountain lion in Washington, and we tackle the biggest mountain in marriage - finances.
In this episode, Nathan and I discuss finances in marriage, and how to keep this from being a tension point in your home.
There are those times in our lives where we feel money is this wild beast outside of our control.
At the bank, Nathan saw couples use money as a tool for manipulation, for power...Nathan views money as "energy". It's simply a way to transfer items in this world.
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How much money do you need to survive? We rise to what our bank accounts have - we tend to spend at our cap. Go back to what your purpose is for money. What is your goal with it?
Does it have a practical use? Does it hold value for you? Is it worth it to take up that valuable space in your home?
Where are we this week?
Where are we? Newport, Washington. We learned it's not pronounced "Spo-Kane" but "Spo-CAN" - a Salish tribe word that means "children of the sun".
We talked about (and explored) Green Bluff Growers area that was so neat! https://greenbluffgrowers.com
Follow us on our journey on Insta as the FieldTripGypsies!
Spenders and Savers
My wife and I don't see eye to eye on finances. She's the spender, I'm the saver - how do we manage and get on the same page?
How do you approach when one starts spending? Do you assume your partner just knows exactly what you're thinking? We are ever-changing, continually morphing entities.
We have to constantly keep checking in - we can grow and change together...or apart.
What Is Your Purpose for Money?
Money is simply one exchange of energy. For example, eating out can add up. Is it worth spending the cash? We will often tailgate in the back of our truck and splurge on a smaller treat vs. a full meal. We plan out and conserve our money to spend on what we want.
Instead of "can I afford this?" ask yourself, "is this a worthwhile investment?"
We are transparent in front of our children as we discuss finances - so they see how to navigate it - it's not a win-lose, it's a team approach. We go back to our why - what we really want.
Remember Your Vision
Go back to the family vision. Learn about the personality styles in your family. It allows you to see/recognize when someone is in negative reaction mode about money. Do they feel out of control, insecure, criticized, inadequate? You can identify why they are acting a certain way and have a little more grace and understanding.
We are a unified front when it comes to family and finances. This is the money for our family to thrive. Understanding personality styles in your family are really critical not only for your own understanding/grace, but for validating and affirming what they may be feeling.
Understand Who You Are
Being intentional about learning who you are and where you are in life is so important. Sometimes marriage counseling is needed to process the pains of the past. As a coach, I help families move forward we look at where you want to be and action steps to get there.
When you move forward with purpose and a goal, you'll have a lot more stamina to keep on going. The momentum/energy/power behind it is infectious. Go back to the core - how does your family tick - and then create a family vision together.
What is your defining mantra? Are you living by those tenants?
As a banker, you get a window of how people treat relationships and money. You have your "bread & water" money - the money you need to put food on the table - for survival. When you have a high level of trust, separate accounts are always a bad thing. But...it boils down to why.
If you have separate accounts, is there a cap on the account, and is it shared by both? Secret/private accounts open the door for deception and lack of trust.
Have a good grasp of what is coming in and what is going out. Life if unpredictable. We may not have a mountain lion around the corner every second, but life has its ups and downs. When it comes to crisis, the more prepared you are, the more you will instinctively be able to navigate it.
The more you communicate clearly and prepare, and you start whittling away on those goals, it becomes that automatic intuition.
How do you make financial decisions in your home - do you have one person in charge of finances?
The more we recognize those personality styles and those strengths and what triggers us, the more we can come back to how the uniqueness in each of us strengthens all of us.