Toxic Relationships And What To Do About Them (Episode 57)
How do you manage the toxic relationships in your life, and how do you ensure you can love them without letting their reality become yours?
In this episode, Nathan and I dig deep on what toxic relationships look like, when to set boundaries, and when to walk away
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What are toxic relationships?
It's somebody who nudges you out of your own authenticity. They have power over you to sabotage who you are and bring out a person you may not want to be.
We all carry around an element of heaviness - our lives aren't perfect. A toxic person carries it like an acid that festers and eats away at them and others. When their shadow is darker than your light, your focus may be leaning more toward the toxic side. We all have the potential for this to be our focus. We have to flip the script.
Where are we this week?
Enjoying Glacier National Park! We've explored everywhere from the southern point all the way up into Alberta Canada and the incredible little town of Waterton.
Follow us on our journey on Insta as the FieldTripGypsies!
How do you set boundaries on the toxic elements of life?
We intentionally seek out positivity...or negativity in our lives.
I want to be YOU - I can't do this. You're unreachable. How do I actually find time?
This isn't just about being like us. It's about intentionality. We all have the power to choose the path we're going to take. The hard truth is you are NOT going to experience the "rainbows and unicorns" lifestyle until you first get right with yourself. If you believe you can't do it, you won't.
We push our children to find their own limits. We want them to overcome their own mental hurdles on what they can/can't do. They need to butt up to that edge and experience negativity, and determine how they are going to work through it.
The feeling of not being able to do something, or getting caught in the comparison trap, so much has to do with where we focus our energy, and what story we tell ourselves. What do you want to hang on to and make into a big deal?
If it's not going to make any impact on your life five years from now,
why are you wasting five minutes today?
We see or look for what we want -and the bunny trails we go down creates algorithms that keep multiplying. How much are you feeding into a negative conversation? How much energy are you investing in a battle? Is it your job to make the world right?
Your Advice is a Gift - once given, it is there's to do what they wish. You don't give your boss a mug and then go check his cupboards out six months later to see if he's using it. Same goes in reverse. People can give you advice and suggestions, but it's up to you on how you unwrap the box and take it. You have the power to set it aside, or walk away.
My family doesn't approve of...
- schooling options
- health decisions
- family travel
How do you Deal with lack of support?
How do you deal with lack of support? When you get advice, it's a gift - the receiver gets to choose how to take it. Once given, you have to let go of the outcome.
It doesn't have to be an anchor to challenge your confidence and negate what you believe in, or is it something you can choose to set aside it.
How are we going to unwrap this gift and hold on to it? This may be their reality of what the gift is in the box, but that's their reality.
Nobody has all the answers. Life is a grand experiment. We cannot control everyone else's response or what "gift" they give us. But we can control how we respond and react.
What Do You Surround Yourself With?
Positivity is what fuels my engine. If I don't surround myself with it, I will eventually run out of gas.
You are the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with (Jim Rohn).
Who do you surround yourself with?
Do they lift you up or bring you down?
Determine how you are going to receive and perceive the feedback from others. When things become personal to you, you tend to find more of it in your life - it's the reticular activator. What impact it will have on your life is entirely up to you.
When you feel you're braving the wilderness alone, it can be a lonely, dark and scary path. It is important to know that you are a valuable, important part of this world and you do NOT deserve to be treated poorly. When you walk away from toxic relationships, it isn't just running away; it's preserving your own energy force.
"Closure happens right after you accept that letting go and moving on is more important than projecting a fantasy of how the relationship could have been." - Sylvester McNutt
You might have set up an expectation of what that relationship is supposed to look like and you are frustrated because they didn't meet that expectation that was only in your own head.
4 tips for navigating toxic relationships:
How to set clear boundaries -
- Define them - be clear on what you won't accept
- Have some accountability to help you defrag - a therapist, coach, friend
- Have a plan on where you are willing to go and where you aren't - script your response. They are looking for your weak points - don't give them that pleasure.
- Have a mantra of forgiveness - oftentimes they don't realize it - so let go of what you hoped it would be.
Your Weekly Challenge:
Practice reaching out to people on that edge and make amends. See them with a childlike perspective - they have their own story. Practice cleaning up a relationship in a positive way vs. adding to the toxicity. Start to forgive by seeing them where they are. Everyone has those moments of fear and reaction.
The more we recognize those personality styles and those strengths and what triggers us, the more we can come back to how the uniqueness in each of us strengthens all of us.