How Do You Navigate Gender Roles In Marriage? (Episode 56)
How do you navigate gender roles in marriage? So often the first question people ask is:
"What do you do?"
But, how do you identify yourself when your work does not bring in a paycheck? Is there an antagonist in your life that is creating pain - or that define what your social expectations are?
Let's explore gender roles, and why we don't believe they are as clear-cut as the 1920s mindset.
We've branched off from a seasons focus and are now highlighting a different area of focus - and different questions - every week!
Hit us with any questions you have on the topics of personality, relationships, parenting, minimalism, education or travel - we'll work it into a podcast episode!
How can you be a hunter if we're vegan?
It's not just the stereotype of what we want to do, it's about what we want to be.
You can be a feminist and be entirely feminine. The essence of feminism is not becoming a man; it's rising in your strength as a powerful woman. It's having an equal voice and stepping into your strengths - on both sides.
Side note - did you know Ashley's brothers and father also have podcasts?
- Dan Miller - 48 Days to the Work You Love
- Kevin Miller - Ziglar Radio Show
- Jared Angaza - Inipi Radio (Check out his episode on the Divine Feminine here)
Feminine and masculine energies are on a spectrum. It's not black and white separation, but a spectrum of both that we all have. So it's not about "weakness" - it's different strengths that are powerful for all of us to have, regardless of gender.
Our question this week:
- My husband is struggling with being "just" a stay-at-home dad, and I'm feeling guilty for being in the provider role. How do we rectify this?
What do you do?
What if we flipped this question, and instead of asking "what do you do," we ask "what drives you?"
We share a story about a man who just fixed bikes in his back yard on the side just for fun. Instead of asking us "what do you do?", he asked us, "what's your story?"
This is such a great opener to really find out more about who someone is - to learn more about their life, and their personality style. How do they answer this questions - what's your story?
Can you say with confidence what you "do" without justifying or defending it?
Gender identity is a spectrum
We all have the capability of the feminine and the masculine energy. Both energies are powerful, and both resonate different strengths.
Men will oftentimes reserve their feminine energy - the intuitive, nurturing side - in the bedroom. It's not that they don't have it; it's simply a reserved part of their identity they may not bring out beyond the sanctuary of a bedroom.
Look at all elements of who you are - regardless of masculine and feminine - does it resonate with you?
Recognize Your Strengths
Maybe you thrive with cooking, cleaning, or working the finances. Maybe you love creative play with your kids. What are things you are good at that benefit your family?
We are shown one way - we grow up with our parents doing specific roles - maybe only Mom cooks, and Dad is "Mr Fix-it." We have these preconceived notions that this is exactly the way we will be. But it it really something that fits you, or just what you think you should do because it's what you saw modeled?
What are basic things in the family that you can do together? It's a team effort for a family - it is a small community where everyone has a part. We pitch in together as a group effort to make our family thrive.
What does being a "Provider" really mean?
If you provide your partner with just a paycheck, you have an empty relationship. It is so much more than just work. It's the emotional load - being a support to one another. Accountability, challenging, loving, encouraging - being a provider in the emotional social sense is more important than simply being the monetary provider.
Support each other in your journey to become who you want to be in the moment.
What role you choose to provide for your family - it is not a lifelong sentence. It doesn't mean this becomes your identity forever. It means you have chosen this role for a season, and it's always open for discussion to morph as your family grows.
Get confident in the feminine and masculine sides - recognizing that both are needed and important in our lives.
The more we grow in our understanding of humankind and connection, the more we see the need of both elements, and the more capable we are to step up in that.
On your deathbed...
What would you wish you had done more of? Do you think you'll just look back with regret that you didn't make more money? Or will it be about the things you passed by, didn't do, and the people you didn't connect with? What is most important to you? Does your life reflect this importance?
- I wish I had done more.
- I wish I had been more genuine to who I was.
- I wish I had been more radical.
- I wish I had spoken up when the time was appropriate.
- I wish I had stood up for what I believed in more.
- I wish I had loved more, cared more, been more genuine.
Your Weekly Challenge:
What does family look like to you? What is your safe place - your sanctuary?
Is it about the money, all home-cooked meals, fun and laughter, peace and serenity?
Create an area of sanctuary together - as a community - a team - a family. What you do to support this may change throughout your life, but the common theme is your family vision.
This gives you a focus point to go back to - is this reflecting my desire? Create your family vision today.
The more you know, the more opportunity you have to learn more. Focus in on what you are in control of. What are your strengths right now? What is your vision for your family?
Go up to someone this week and ask, "what's your story?"
Go beyond a paycheck. Go beyond your "shoulds" and look at what strengths you bring to your family right now. Explore. Play. Have fun with your family. Identify the strengths of all your family.
Questions or comments?
Personality styles, marriage/intimacy, parenting, education, minimalism or travel - what is pressing on your mind?
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