by Ashley Logsdon

37 Essential Tips To Save Your Marriage

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"How To Fix Your Marriage"

Wow, if only it were as easy as a simple google search!  Like it or not, "how to fix your marriage" is just not a simple easy button or blanket formula that will always work.  That being said, there are some very powerful insights that will help you move toward deeper connection with your spouse. And so I present you with a fant-abulous post full of tips and ideas.

"What could have - or has - saved your marriage?"

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37 marriage saving tips

This was a facebook post that clearly stood out to me.  What makes it a true marriage beyond simply a companionship?  Is it one thing, or a combination of things?  What would I say?  Not one to ever narrow things down to simply “one thing” when I have the opportunity to elaborate, Nathan and I discussed what has saved our marriage here:

The response on the facebook post was so fabulous, however, I want to share more than just what Nathan and I think.  I posted this in my Mama Says Namaste group and got even more wonderful comments. Below are 27 comments from others about what has saved, or could possibly have saved a marriage.


It was making the decision to make it different. In a recent marriage retreat we attended, we were asked to write down our expectations for our marriage when we got married. We both wrote that we didn’t know what to expect but we knew that it was going to be different than the other marriages around us. We never discussed that decision until recently, but it has made such a huge impact on our relationship.


The willingness to forgive.


Mutual respect.


Talking to each other and being vulnerable, when it would be so easy to stay quiet and shut each other out.


Intentional time to talk. We have begun meeting at 7pm every day. 20-30 minutes. Simply talking.


Listening, forgiving, giving the other person the benefit of the doubt.

how to fix your marriage


I think the key in a successful marriage is always providing each other with a safe environment to discuss anything. It’s hard but it’s possible.


Softness, forgiveness, empathy and lots of laughter.


Understanding that forgiveness is vital and what forgiveness truly is.
Forgiveness is refusing to serve up an offense to yourself or the other person. We take thoughts captive and let go what has been done to us.


Learn how to disagree without screaming, name calling and stonewalling. (Check out the 5 most common arguments in a marriage here).


Be willing to admit weaknesses and ask for help.

how to fix your marriage


Surprisingly some understanding and cannabis oil.  [this one was just too good to not add in here!]


Swallow your pride, admit you’re not Wonder Woman and build on the strengths in your relationship. This was a biggie for me, our marriage and our family. (I’d love to hear how your personality strengths helped you determine roles in your relationship and your household.)


The best question I think we were ever asked was, “Are you more committed to being right, or are you committed to moving toward each other?” That question saves us over and over again.


The recognition that after 17 years we are both different people than we once were. We decided to grieve the loss of our old “friend” who no longer existed, drop our expectations for them to be that person any more, and began dating each other again and getting to know the person each of us is now. We quickly fell in love with each other again. Dropping the assumptions and expectations was huge.


Swallow my ego and be more agreeable to talking, open minded communication instead of me being full of fear to try to control the situation….


Accepting that we’re inherently different, so we need to be compassionate to try to understand and “translate” our perspective to each other.

how to fix your marriage


Forgiveness, marriage counseling (which was late, but better than not at all!) and a spouse who truly stepped up to the plate in counseling by being willing to participate and work at what needed worked at. In turn, that made it easier for me to be willing to look at my own stuff and work at what needed worked at.


"How To Fix A Marriage?" Out of 87 responses, 27 people stressed counseling or therapy of some kind.


Actually liking one another for who we each are. Finding ways to appreciate and value the other person despite differences emotionally, intellectually, physically.


Compromise. Honesty. Compassion. Taking stock of the small things: a good meal together, a laugh, a hug, etc...


Intense premarital counseling, creating an environment where honesty and vulnerability can thrive. Being open to and seeking out support and encouragement regularly. Making time for self care for both partners regardless of the stresses. Learning to say no and prioritizing God, spouse, and family in that order.


how to fix your marriage


I would go a step further with this statement and say that UNSPOKEN expectations are premeditated resentments.   It’s those little things we don’t communicate, and expect the other to read our minds.


Not putting up walls and always talking it out. Being a good listener as well as open to suggestion even when my natural instinct is to hold my position and not give in. I have to remind myself that it’s about US, not just her or just I.


Communication, talking about issues instead of sweeping them under the rug.


Pure Desire.


Remembering that there is absolutely no room for competition in marriage. Realizing that if I am working to prove I am right means I am working hard to make my husband the “loser.” Damaging.


And when it was too hard for us to do therapy together, I worked on myself… My therapist would say “that sounds hard, but what are YOU going to do about it?”


Play.  Have fun and flirt with one another.


Practice being kind over being right.

how to fix your marriage


Accepting your deficiencies and work on improving them. Ask your partner to accept your uniqueness and ask to help you become a better person. Always work on becoming a better person and expect the same from your partner.


Talk to each other and understand the space each person needs, but not to be distant.


Look into each other’s eyes and not say a word.


Laugh together.

It was amazing how many people said “counseling” and “therapy” – these aren’t people who have it all figured out.  We all have to navigate the ups and downs.  Marriage, like any relationship, isn’t a “one and done” concept.  You can’t simply buy flowers one day and figure you’re covered for romance for a year.  And you have to be willing to go beyond yourself and your own ego, making your marriage a priority.  Sometimes that outside perspective is what is needed to get you both back on the right track.

In our couples’ coaching, Nathan and I walk with couples together to understand how their personalities blend and how they can best foster each others’ strengths.  We help them identify their reactive triggers and learn how to motivate and challenge each other in a positive and supportive way.  If you want to know if coaching saves marriages, check this out right now.  While I don’t abide by Tony’s style of pressure, I believe there are powerful questions that can open the door to greater change than you ever could imagine.

We guide you to connect in every way, pushing past the ability to simply live together and go from living side-by-side to effectively and intentionally going deeper as intimate partners in love and in life.

Laughter, humble pie, and lots of sex.   It’s more than companionship when you strive for that deeper intimacy.

What would you add to this list?  

How do you have a marriage that is fully connected and “saved” for the day?

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Podcast on this Topic:

How do you ensure you save your marriage each and every day?

P.S. We have a whole series on marriage on the Mama Says Namaste Podcast – check out the “Laughter, Humble Pie and Lots of Sex” series – it’s Season 2!

mama says namaste podcast

Announcements and Offerings

I currently have a handful of openings for 1:1 clients. If you feel you could use support as you explore your own frustrations and create a more empowered, live-giving reality for yourself and your family,  I’d be honored to talk with you.

For more information about the work I do with families, click here


“My husband and I took the personality snapshots from Ashley when we kept having issues communicating with each other. They helped us see why we sometimes misunderstood each other and how we react negatively or positively to certain situations that come up in everyday family settings.

The personality snapshots were great in that we received clarification on the profiles from Ashley highlighting our key strengths and weaknesses in our specific personality style. I would love to get one for my oldest daughter now that I have seen how much it’s helped myself and my husband.”

Daphne McIntosh nurse and midwife


About the author, Ashley Logsdon


Ashley Logsdon is a Family and Personality Styles Coach and Lifelong Learner. She and her husband Nathan are RVing the States and unschooling their 3 girls. Her mission is to shift the mindsets of families from reaction to intention, and guide them in creating the family they love coming home to. Looking deeper than the surface, we assess the strengths, triggers, and simplifying your lifestyle so you truly recognize how the uniqueness in each of us strengthens all of us.

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  1. Thanks for sharing! actually you are right Well, Disney movies aren’t real life. Although we all know this on a conscious level, we still – in our hearts – hope that we will be the exception to the rule. We think that we will be one of the lucky ones who have a lifelong, happy marriage. keep sharing!

  2. Thanks for helping me understand the importance of not putting any walls between me and my husband even if we have problems. I noticed that I’m drifting away more and more each day but the desire to reconnect with him is still there. Maybe it’s time to bring the subject of marriage counseling services over dinner and see what he thinks.

  3. Those tips are great, but there is a whole lot you can try now to make matters better. Although many of these steps for how to rescue a relationship take some time, they’re everything you can start carrying out right now.

  4. It can definitely get a bit dicey when you’re dealing with family and friends super close to you. Especially with family members, it can be hard to keep that unbiased perspective that is necessary in coaching and counseling. Sharing books, blogs, podcasts and other resources is a great way to support without it all coming directly from you!

  5. I really loved your tip to try communicating more and to not be so prideful or fearful. In the last few weeks, my sister has been coming to me to talk about her relationship with her husband. I have been thinking that I might not be the right person for her to talk to as she is my sister and I have no professional training. I hope I can help her look for trained couple’s counselors in her area to help them get through this.

  6. I like that you said that is important to become a better person when going to counseling or saving your marriage. My aunt is thinking of becoming a better person to save her marriage but she says that sometimes it’s hard to continue with the counseling after a long day of work and stress. I’m going to let her know to look for a professional to help her maintain his marriage and give her more ways to become a better person.

  7. Loved this post….especially your video with Nathan. You guys have such a sweet family! Thanks for the insider tips on how you’ve made that happen :). Blessings on your travels!

  8. EXCELLENT post and video Ashley! Marriage is hard, and complicated, but so, so rewarding! It’s inspiring to see how many people are committed to making it work.

  9. Thank you – means so much coming from you, and I recognize the love you and mom share and am so grateful for it. I know it’s a daily choice you two make and you set a beautiful example for me on how it’s intentional effort every day, but it doesn’t just have to be “hard work” – you two have kept the fun alive just as much as the love – and that’s what has made all the difference. Looking forward to celebrating many more anniversaries for you two! Love you too!

  10. Ah what a great video. You guys look so natural just talking together and it’s obvious your love for each other is genuine and real. Great points all the way through. Joanne and I are doing pretty well according to your tips and I think it’s important to note that we don’t just assume things will be okay now that we’ve married for a long time. Nope – even after 49 years of marriage we are still extremely intentional about respect, laughter, touch, etc. We may not quite keep up with your daily sex but we are very physical – kissing and hugging multiple times during the day.

    Thanks for sharing the principles that will keep your marriage alive and vibrant – and hopefully show the way for your peers to do the same. Lots of love and pride from – Your Daddy

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