Raising Confident Kids – Speaking to Adults (Episode 245) ⋆ Mama Says Namaste

Raising Confident Kids – Speaking to Adults (Episode 245)

Can Your Child Talk To Adults?

Oftentimes we hear comments about how you can tell who the homeschool kids are because they are the ones who talk to adults. Why yes, homeschoolers aren't always seen as backwards kids isolated in their own bubble and unable to talk to others. 

The biggest question many homeschoolers get is, "but what about socialization?" Let me do a really quick break down here - 

If you are required to be with only your own age group for the majority of the day, and only allowed to really talk and visit at certain times, your skill-set for engaging with a diverse group is likely to be more limited. 

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This isn't just a knock on traditional school kids. If you are only staying in your own home and limiting interaction with any diversity, you are, again, setting the stage for more limited interaction abilities across the board. 

When I talk about socialization for our children, it's up to us as parents to ensure they have opportunities to engage with others beyond their own bubble.

So if you're creating the opportunities for your children to experience interacting with a variety of people - of different ages, abilities, cultures, etc - you are paving the way for powerful social skills to get them through anything and help them succeed. 

Check out our podcast episode on this topic here!

Listen to this episode on iTunesPandoraSpotifyStitcherGoogle PlayTuneIniHeartRadio, your RSS Feed...however you listen to podcasts!

How To Win Friends and Influence People

We strongly believe social skills and personal responsibility are critical components of being an overall more positive impact in this world. Recognizing how to connect with others in a way that accomplishes what you both need/want and knowing your own personal impact and how it affects others is such a valuable component for growth and connection in this world. 

There are so many great books and more to help you present yourself in your best light. The old classic, "How To Win Friends And Influence People", has these as your key standards:

  • Do Not Criticize, Condemn or Complain 
    • Do you have character and self-control to have grace for others, seek a growth mindset, forgive, let go, and give constructive feedback without tearing another down?
  • Be Generous With Praise 
    • How quickly do you support and affirm? Those little affirmations to others are fast ways to connect and make someone feel valued. 

  • Remember Their Name  
  • Be Genuinely Interested In Other People  
    • Dalai Lama says, "when you are speaking, you are only repeating what you already know. When you listen, you may learn something new." Use a general rule of thumb when getting to know someone - try listening 75% of the time and speaking 25% of the time and see how far you go.  
  • Know The Value Of Charm  
    • Likability is a huge thing. When we are authentic and vulnerable, and truly seek to highlight the good in another, it opens the doors to trust and connection. 
  • Be Quick To Acknowledge Your Own Mistakes   
    • If you want to experience more people being agreeable and not defensive, be quick to admit when you, personally, have learned or messed up. Being able to admit when you mess up is key in being vulnerable, which is paramount to true authenticity. When we acknowledge that we're human, we open the door of a common ground, which is always key in connecting with someone else.
  • Begin On Common Ground 
    • Speaking of that common ground, that's always a way to connect. What can you both see eye-to-eye on, or have a common interest in? Be careful starting out a connection with a polarizing subject that opens the door to disagreement. Start with a foundation of looking to connect vs. argue, and you'll get much further.
  • Have Others Believe Your Conclusion Is Their Own  
    • You get much further by planting seeds and allowing people to innovate and understand in their own way over forcing someone to come to your point of view. You can't force someone to believe; inspire them through seeds you plant and the example you set.
  • Make People Feel Important  
    • If you make others around you feel important - by smiling, knowing their names, giving praise, and genuinely showing interest, you'll find the path way easier for connection...and recognition yourself through gratitude of an amazing person to be a friend to. 

The Magic of Thinking Big

In the book, The Magic of Thinking Big, there are these key points:

  • Be a Front Seater 
    • Sitting up front builds confidence.
  • Practice Eye Contact  
    • Looking the other person in the eye tells them,  I'm honest and confident.
  • Walk 25% Faster  
    • Psychologists link slovenly postures and sluggish walking to unpleasant attitudes towards oneself, work and the people around us. The extremely beaten people, the real down-and-outers, just shuffle and stumble along. They have zero confidence. The walk of a confident person tells the world, "I've got someplace important to go, something important to do." Throw your shoulders back, lift up your head, move ahead just a little faster and feel self-confidence grow.
  • Practice Speaking Up
    • Your voice matters, and it's hard to be taken seriously when you mumble or speak softly. Learn how to project your voice to be heard clearly so this isn't a barrier in your communication. 
  • Smile Big
    • David Schwartz says in The Magic of Thinking Big, “Try to feel defeated and smile at the same time. You can’t!” Not only does this impact others around you, it's scientifically proven to affect your own emotions- it's a confidence-booster! Simply moving your mouth into a smile impacts your overall happiness level, so keep practicing it! 


Another excellent book that really explores the Science of People is Vanessa Van Edwards' book, Captivate: The Science of Succeeding with People. This is next on my list to actually go through with my kids to learn more about the science and impact behind our actions and reactions - it's truly fascinating. 

In it, she shares about the way to work around feeling awkward, being an introvert, what people are really paying attention to, and more. It's fascinating to connect the science to the socializing we see in our culture, and better understand why we act the way we do. 

Stop and Assess

All of the tactics laid out above are principles we've worked on with our kids - and for ourselves. It's not just about forcing our children to interact with people all over. It's about exposing them to variety, and giving them the tools to effectively interact for a positive outcome. And when even our young children can learn how to engage in back and forth conversations with others, it opens the doors for deeper respect and connection across the board. 

If your child doesn't talk to adults, or struggles with their interactions with others, pay attention to how much opportunity they truly have to practice it. I can't overstate how important real life experience is. 

Our Challenge:

This week, take a step back from leading the conversations with your children, and open the door to some new conversations with others. Be careful not to speak for them; give them the floor to engage with another without you crafting the words or intention for them. 

One of the most powerful ways our children learned to engage with others was to be present with us as we talked, and for us to invite them into the conversation and allow them to have their own voice. 

Give the space for your child to participate in more conversations than just their age group. You may be surprised at the insights they have, or the level of growth that happens when they are allowed to be viewed outside of their age bracket and simply be seen and heard for the thoughts in their head. Keep fostering opportunities for your children to show up, look people in the eyes, speak up, and get a feel for how their voice - and their impact truly matters in this world. It's not just the adults that are the world-changers, and I'm grateful for the lessons I've learned from even the youngest among us. As we continue to open the door to allow everyone to shine their light, we all gain more wisdom on the many ways our world is viewed, and how the uniqueness in each of us strengthens all of us. 


Ashley Logsdon

Ashley Logsdon is a Family and Personality Styles Coach and Lifelong Learner. She and her husband Nathan are RVing the States and unschooling their 3 girls. Her mission is to shift the mindsets of families from reaction to intention, and guide them in creating the family they love coming home to. Looking deeper than the surface, we assess the strengths, triggers, and simplifying your lifestyle so you truly recognize how the uniqueness in each of us strengthens all of us. Join the Mama Says Namaste Facebook Group

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