Who Has Time For Sex As A Parent, Anyway? (Episode 14)
Nathan loves to joke about sex in our house:
Do I want another kid? Nope. But we can still keep practicing.
This is the second series on the Mama Says Namaste Podcast with my most favorite guest (and partner for life), Nathan Logsdon. In this series, we dig deep into the critical components that create a healthy and happy intimate relationship – join us as we discuss
Laughter, Humble Pie, and Lots of Sex!
You know that look on a woman’s face when she wants sex? Me neither. – Steve Martin
It’s hard to stay emotionally distant when you are physically connected.
We created the habit of physical touch on a daily basis – it became a habit like meditation/yoga – a critical component for our marital health.
The Five Love Languages:
- Physical Touch
- Words of Affirmation
- Acts of Service
- Receiving Gifts
- Quality Time
The curve ball of children – our intimate relationships can easily slip to the back burner.
Pain happens to everyone. But do we carry it around like a weight that prevents us from moving forward? Does it become so much a part of our identity that it becomes larger than the present moment?
Therapy is a process of letting go. It’s not allowing it to fester as a core component of your identity, but allowing yourself to acknowledge that pain, process it, and set it down. Seeing a counselor is one way. Journalling, running, art, music…these are all ways to help release pain and process through it.
What story do you want to create for the future? Put your past story down and think about what you want to pick back up again.
Ease into love. Start with conversation. Move to massage, bathing together, and building trust and confidence in your relationship.
Set aside time for this. Don’t wait for it to organically happen. If you are trying to write a story, you have to be intentional. Don’t hope it will just “happen” – create it. Make it an important component of your day.
Love builds on itself. If you want love, BE love. Reflect the love you want to receive.
Check out Dr. Laura Bergman’s “Quantum Love” series. We have really learned a lot and have experienced “quantum love” at a whole new level. I highly recommend it!
Ways to build a connected relationship – look at the 5 love languages and take the quiz
Go back to the personality styles – can you affirm them, create a safe place, allow control and confidence in an area (like leading a massage, for example)?
The Talmud tractate on marriage contracts states that the righteous couple should make love every Friday night. It’s part of observing and enjoying the Sabbath – of honoring each other.
Eliminate the guessing game – go ahead and assign days to each other. Who takes the lead? This can help so much in allowing one person to experience simply receiving love, and learning more about each other’s bodies, etc.
Pillow Play – This is an awesome little app to build sexual intimacy – meditations, exercises and challenges to help you grow closer together beyond just the act of making love.
Even if you don’t “like” them in the moment, don’t shut down the physical.
Reach out and touch and affirm that the commitment to love is still there even if you aren’t seeing eye to eye on something. Don’t go to bed angry and distant.
Read more from my previous blog post on sex here.
Your challenge this week:
Reach out and touch your partner and connect at least once a day. Hug, caress, embrace, kiss…make love. Bulletproof it so you commit to the intentional time to connect.
And remember, if you’re liking what you hear, we want to hear from you!
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- Email Ashley directly at [email protected]
*Podcast music by the awesome Renee & Jeremy who cover “Put a Little Love In Your Heart” by Jackie DeShannon. Props to both of them for this beautiful rendition that epitomizes what I want for families!