by Ashley Logsdon

Thank you to the no-kid couples

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I’d like to do a little PSA here.  Contrary to some viewpoints, our role here on Earth is not merely to procreate.  I blog on family here, and we all have people in our lives we consider “family”.  Although traditionally, family had more to do with lineage, nowadays, we see this concept has broadened to the community around you that supports and loves you.

kendralla-photography-ashley logsdonMy core family includes my husband and children.  We fit the traditional mold: husband and wife, three kids, a dog and a little white picket fence (okay, it’s chain-link, and you can throw a few chickens into the mix as well).  But family doesn’t have to be kids, or even bloodlines.

I want to focus on one specific type of people that I include in our slew of aunts and uncles and those who are invested in our core family.  There are people – couples – who actually choose to not have children.  There are others who have tried for years to have their own, or have been waiting for that perfect someone and have remained single and childless.  There are many people in our lives who do not have children, and I have something to say to them:

Thank you. 

Thank you to all of you who do not have children of your own.  I know you have your reasons, and even if that reason is that you simply don’t want to share your time/energy that much, that is 100% valid.  Every parent in the world can attest to the fact that having children is the most demanding/hardest job you can do – because there is no break.  You are a parent 24/7 for the rest of your life.  That’s a huge undertaking, and honestly, none of us realized the full extent of what we got ourselves into until it was too late!

Thank you for being a part of our lives, and loving my kids like you do.

Thank you for having the energy to come and get a “kid fix” and give us a break.

Thank you for not being so sleep-deprived from the needy demands of infants that you can barely make coffee, much less come over to visit.

Thank you for having enough flexibility that you can do whatever you want to do and you don’t turn down adult time once again because you can’t find a babysitter.

Thank you for being the conversationalist that doesn’t spend four hours going on about your child’s potty-training or the five hundred adorable things your new baby did today.

Thank you for being confident enough in who you are, what you want, and how to take care of yourself that you are able to give from a full cup.

Thank you for being a support to us parents – to remind us that we, too, need to take care of ourselves and not fall into the martyrdom of parenthood that causes us to live in reaction to our children’s’ demands.

Throwback to that time on the beach in Mexico at an adults-only resort...ahhhh!
Throwback to that time on the beach in Mexico at an adults-only resort…ahhhh!

Thank you for taking me out of the parent role and reminding me that adults can play without kids being the focus of everything.

I chose this role of motherhood.  Some didn’t and accepted the responsibility anyway.   Some chose it, and yet they never got it.  I never want to complain about what a pain kids can be when others have experienced the pain of longing for their own.

So all of you childless people out there, I own this motherhood thing.  I take full responsibility for my decision to mother, and I will do it with a grateful heart.  I will have my good days when I gush about how fabulous my children are and how much I love them, and I will have those days when I want to throw in the towel and give up.

And either way, I appreciate you.  I love your energy and spirit to be who you are regardless of what expectation society puts on you.  I love that you live in the now and not in the longing, and you remind me to do the same.  You aren’t so exhausted and drained from kids that you don’t want to see another one, and you help me remember who I am beyond motherhood.

I will always be a mother.  It is a part of my identity. But it is not my only identity.  I need to remember myself, to take care of myself, and remember those things that I love that may come to the forefront when the early childhood demands wane and my children become more self-sufficient.

You inspire me with that.  You keep that hint of yearning in me that sees what you may accomplish – leaving the house on a whim without coordinating babysitters or tying a million shoelaces, doing art whenever you please and not worrying about who is going to get into all your paints, watching whatever show you want to watch on television, fixing a fancy feast with no one to complain that their food is touching or that they absolutely hate broccoli (even though it was their favorite yesterday).childless couples

You may be the beloved aunt, uncle, or friend – to me, to my husband, and/or to my children.  It isn’t dictated by blood, but by choice.  You have chosen us, and you send the rockstar birthday gifts on time, say “sure” to the last-minute offer to go grab a beer, and are that novelty of an adult that focuses on my kids without navigating their own zoo in the process.   I thank you.

It takes a village to raise a child.  I’m grateful that this village includes more than just the parents.  Take a moment to show gratitude to those adults in your life that do not have children. Whatever their story may be, they deserve some gratitude and appreciation for the role they play in your (and your children’s) life.

Please share in the comments below your experience with kid-free adults – how have they helped you?


About the author, Ashley Logsdon


Ashley Logsdon is a Family and Personality Styles Coach and Lifelong Learner. She and her husband Nathan are RVing the States and unschooling their 3 girls. Her mission is to shift the mindsets of families from reaction to intention, and guide them in creating the family they love coming home to. Looking deeper than the surface, we assess the strengths, triggers, and simplifying your lifestyle so you truly recognize how the uniqueness in each of us strengthens all of us.

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  1. Absolutely.

    It’s too easy for people to judge others based on their personal life experiences, especially when it comes to this topic. At the end of the day, it’s not a big deal, nor is either choice good or bad. Yet, for some reason, it often becomes an us versus them issue. I love how you focus on how both teams are interconnected and need each other. That’s pretty special.

    Thank you for sharing these words with your audience. It’s great stuff!

  2. Aww, thanks so much! I felt this was something that needed to be said. It’s okay to choose NOT to have children, and for others, it’s a painful choice they didn’t want to make. Whether you can or can’t have children, the childless couples are such an important part of society. It’s a reminder to me that I made this choice to have kids, and I’m grateful that I was able to. And I’m so, so thankful for those who don’t have kids because it’s one less thing to coordinate around – no babysitter issues, sick children, etc to cancel plans, as well as you all typically having more energy/togetherness than a sleep-deprived new parent!

  3. Several of my closest friends are kid-free. And they’re amazing. They’re the best “aunts and uncles”. They dropped what they were doing and brought us food to the hospital when Charles was born. They love me and my family in such an amazing way. I was worried our friendships would change after I had kids. Yes the relationships changed – they’ve gotten even better.

  4. Oh, Ashley. <3 As a childless woman, I have to say that is the nicest thing anyone has ever said. You brought tears to my eyes.

    As a middle aged woman, married woman, without children, I've heard it all. Except this. THANK YOU for recognizing that we too have value.

    And thank you for being an amazing mama and an inspiration. And for raising 3 amazing humans who love everyone whether they can procreate or not. You are incredible and I'm grateful to know you!

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