I have seen time and time again families who are stuck in the Popeye mentality, creating a label around the negative behaviors their kids (or their spouses) exhibit.  

They live in reaction, ready to spring with their defenses anytime something doesn't go their way.

What's Your Label?

Have you ever said:

• "She's so hyperactive"
• "He's just a stick in the mud"
• "She's super sensitive."
• "He's a bit of a Negative Nancy."

The rebel. The class clown. Oh my, the drama queen. Have you had those moments where you see one of your beloved little creatures in your home and immediately think up a label that not only defines them, but solidifies the negative persona you want to avoid?

What Is Your Personality Style?

A while back I did a series on understanding your unique personality style based on the DISC personality assessments. As this is the basis for everything I speak and coach on, it's time to revisit this powerful topic.

I spend a lot of time exploring personality and the way we are naturally wired - but let's get one thing straight. There are a lot of factors affecting who you are and what you do every single day.

Your environment, health, the family dynamics around you and how you connect with others all greatly affect how you portray yourself to the world. There have definitely been times when the words to describe me are not what I want to become my identity.

It's Really Not Personality At All...

In all actuality, it's not really about personalities. These "personality assessments" or personality tests that you take - Myers-Briggs, DISC, Kolbe, Enneagram, Strengthsfinders and more...it's about something more than personality...it's about behavior.

All these assessments can be surprisingly accurate. It's pretty incredible to see how well they can read into how we act and react. The bottom line is that these are measurements of behavior. After decades of research, what these tools are finding are common patterns of behavior that help to shape your personality style. It's through studies of natural behavior and reaction that these assessments can give you such insight. 

Remember that there are two ways to present yourself -

one is with intention, and one is out of reaction.

When you think of the definition of you, that's intentional. How do you want to present yourself to others? When you describe yourself, you are creating your reality. 

The kicker is, either you define you, or your reactions do. 

Alright, Ashley, on the chopping block with you - let's "define Ashley" in two ways, along with the adjectives to describe me:

Reactive:

I don't have much patience and love to be in control. When I'm stressed out, I frantically grasp for some element of control in something, so I start barking orders to ensure everyone is doing their part to bring some order to the chaos.  

My way is typically the right way, of course, so as long as people don't bother me with questions, we can plow right through and do what I know needs to be done.

Adjectives:

• Micromanager
• Impatient
• Demanding
• Argumentative

Intentional:

I'm driven and confident. Engaging others and empowering them to be their true authentic selves is my favorite past-time. I can move fast and jump in to most situations ready to collaborate or lead, depending on what is needed. My fast-paced style allows me to be ready for anything and always up for a challenge.

Adjectives:

• Leader
• Charismatic
• Driven
• Innovative

You have natural tendencies to describe how you behave.

Never, ever let one of those adjectives - especially something in your reaction mode - become a non-budging definition of who you are.

You are powerful. Significant. Loved. There are words that describe behavior, and there are ones that define a greater whole of who you are. Allow these to define your core behavioral style, and use words like this to reflect back on - does your behavior match the core of who you want to be?

Create your defining words beyond simply what you do in your worst moments. Separate out a reactive behavior and acknowledge we all have our hard moments.

ABove All...LOVE

Intentional descriptors are when you are living in your strengths. I end every Mama Says Namaste Podcast episode with the tagline: The uniqueness in each of us strengthens all of us. That epitomizes that it is in our differences that we can truly complement and complete one another. It's recognizing the gifts of others and appreciating what they offer that you cannot. 

Reactive descriptors are when the head takes a back seat to the emotion. This isn't always a negative, which is why I say "reactive" instead of "negative". For example, when I feel like I'm going to fall, I'm going to react and grab whatever is closest to me. That's not a negative, that's simply a natural response.

When you live your life solely in reaction, however, even in the good way (like the survival mode you switch on in a crisis situation), you will eventually burn out, because this isn't sustainable.

You have to rest and replenish. This comes through pulling out those fabulous descriptors that are your strengths as well as your definition of who you want to be. If you want to be wise, define yourself as "the listener" and work on your listening skills. If you want to be more loving, define yourself as love...it's amazing how much that one definition will shift your demeanor and how you react to others.

Create your own descriptive words that you want to define you. Allow for these to become your mantra and live in your strengths. Don't become your reactive tendencies - instead, try being your biggest loving supporter and see how your whole perspective shifts.

Share with me below your favorite positive descriptors that you include in the definition of you!

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