by Ashley Logsdon

Love and Marriage: See the GOOD

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Last night we celebrated my parent’s 48th wedding anniversary.  Since Dad’s business is, clearly this was a big deal anniversary for them!

My mother wrote a beautiful blog post on how to fall out of love with your spouse.  As you’ll read there, Dad gave her a pretty fabulous anniversary gift.  He gave her a journal where he had written one thing he loved about her every single day for a year.  Now think about that – have you ever heard of a “reticular activator?” you're the greatest! It’s that thing where, when something becomes personal to you, you end up seeing signs about it everywhere.  Like for us, as we creep toward our new adventures in an RV, we have started to see RVs everywhere we go.  It’s on our radar- they naturally jump out at us now.

When Dad decided to write this journal, he told no one.  There was no accountability or spoken goal to anyone.  Yet each day he spent it looking for what he would write down about her.  Each and every day, he focused on finding something new that he loved about her. What if you did the same – you intentionally look for what you love about your children, your spouse, work…whatever you need to work on most.

What if you focused your mind on finding something you love about it every single day?

What we think becomes our reality.  When we focus on the negative, that’s what manifests most.

My parents and the relationships that have come from their three kids: my brothers and their wives and Nathan and me - lots of love and legacy built...with 14 grandkids to boot!
My parents and the relationships that have come from their three kids: my brothers and their wives and Nathan and me – lots of love and legacy built…with 14 grandkids to boot!

When we are hyper-critical, I promise you, you will always find more things to critique.  When you are overwhelmed, overworked, and frustrated, Murphy’s Law will give you yet one more thing that goes wrong.

In my parent’s marriage, it’s not always been an easy road.  They experienced toxic extended family relationships, addiction, mental and physical health issues within our home, and losing everything they had with three small children and a shadow of almost a half a million in debt.

Their marriage hasn’t survived because they constantly work on everything “wrong” in the marriage or in the family.  Yes, they challenge each other, they work to be the best they can for themselves and each other.  They communicate and are intentional to always be growing in their relationships.  What keeps them together, though, is not just them working on their marriage.   It wasn’t in nit-picking all that was wrong.

They intentionally seek out the good every. single. day. 

My father loves to say that it doesn’t matter what the weather is doing: “I carry my sunshine within me,” he says.  My parents are seekers of the good – in everything.  They have created a legacy of love, not by being delusional to the bad things in the world, or struggle points in their relationship, but by choosing to look for the good in life.

I give them full credit for my Pollyanna attitude on life.  I learned about the power of positive thinking and focusing on the good when I was a little child getting “attitude adjustments” .  They taught me about love, respect, and validation.  My parents have created a haven of peace in their home by being the light and letting love shine through more radiant then any criticism or negative trait.

Thank you, Mama and Dad for being the first light in my life, and for helping me discover my own light within.  I love you both!


See the good, be the good

About the author, Ashley Logsdon


Ashley Logsdon is a Family and Personality Styles Coach and Lifelong Learner. She and her husband Nathan are RVing the States and unschooling their 3 girls. Her mission is to shift the mindsets of families from reaction to intention, and guide them in creating the family they love coming home to. Looking deeper than the surface, we assess the strengths, triggers, and simplifying your lifestyle so you truly recognize how the uniqueness in each of us strengthens all of us.

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  1. Wow Ashley, That was a tearjerker! Thank you for this sweet message. And it is so true. I see so many couples focusing on the negative and that becomes so much of their reality that they don’t see the good. The positive. The effort put forth. That gets old after awhile and that’s why marriages become apathetic or broken. Life is too short to be miserable and disheartened…or even bored. I want every day to count for good. So does your Dad. So glad we instilled that in our children, too. I love you dearly. Momma

  2. Ashley, I just love this post. What delights me most is the fact that I’ve seen your family up close and personal and I KNOW it’s the real deal. The authenticity that your family models each and ever day encourages me – even though the miles are many now.

    I love the reticular activation mention too. We become so myopic when we focus on the negative. I’m learning more often than not too that if Jay’s irritating me for some reason it’s because I’m projecting my own freakin’ issues on to him. Our ego certainly doesn’t want to stand up and take credit for shortcomings – it’s much easier to blame your spouse.

    We’re going on 28 years marriage. I like what I heard one person said – it was some celebrity. When asked what the key to a long marriage was she replied, “Be willing to put up with some hard years.” Yup. I get that.

    Keep it coming! Great stuff!

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