by Ashley Logsdon

“What I Like” Is First-Step Thinking (Episode 340)

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I know what I like and want in life. That's our goal, right? To be so in tune with ourselves we know exactly what we want and how to get it. Right? 

What about what others want? How does that come into play? Have we gotten so wrapped up in our own healing and our own needs that we've compartmentalized our lives at the expense of our relationship and interaction with others? 

How is that working for you?

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Think about it - if my need is to keep the fan on, music going, and four blankets on at night, and Nathan's is complete silence and a sheet, is our only solution to have separate rooms? (yeah, I know it's a trend I'm not really into, thanks). 

I caution against living in a world where there are so many particularities to your own healing and peace that people have to walk on eggshells around you, or just can't figure out any way to connect. 

Less "I Know What I Like"

I recently read Joshua Becker's blog post on Becoming Minimalist called "Less ‘I Know What I Like,’ More ‘What’s Working for You?"

But there’s a danger when comfort turns into complacency. There’s a point where “I know what I like” can close the door on growth, new experiences, and even wisdom that others can offer us.

There is a subtle line where “I know what I like” begins to take away from joy and even a potentially more meaningful existence.

At all stages of life, but maybe even more the older we get, we would be wise to focus less on “I know what I like” and more on “What’s working for you?”

~Joshua Becker

I tap through instagram stories of personal needs, personal healing, and loving yourself. So much self love and self care to try and counteract the mental health rollercoaster social media can do to you. 

And I'm growing more concerned in the narcissistic behavior of victimhood disguised as oppression and "my way or the highway" being cloaked as boundaries. 

Yes, people are treated unfairly. And yes, activism has its place to stand up against wrongdoing. Boundaries and standing firm in what can keep you flowing are important. 

I'm not discounting some of the powerful quotes and insights I see. And yet...

What's Working For You?

And yet. Are we taking the time to set our own microphone of needs down to hear what has worked for another? 

But it’s not just about the fact that no matter our age, we can still learn from others. It’s about actively pursuing that wisdom.

It’s about intentionally moving away from “I know what I like and I’m not going to change” to “What’s working for you? And how can I improve life for myself and others by moving toward it?”

Think about it this way: Shifting from “I know what I like” to “What’s working for you?” is a small change in wording but a significant shift in mindset.

The question invites a dialogue and opens us up to learn from the experiences and successes of others. It’s an acknowledgment that perhaps there’s a different, maybe even a better way, to approach various aspects of life that we hadn’t considered before.

~Joshua Becker

Do we spend more time telling people how to navigate us versus learning how we can get the best out of another? Are we so set in our ways we've reached the pinnacle of what we can learn? 

I hope I'm never there, and for every quirk and need I have, there is another perspective, and an opportunity for me to either learn something new or affirm what I believe. 

Look Beyond Your Reality 

Look beyond your own reality. While you may have found the rhythms and routines that work for you, you may know your likes/dislikes, and you may be clear on your direction, let me be clear: 

Life isn't working strictly on your agenda. Life very likely has other plans, and you're going to experience these curveballs in your life

I didn't get it back, years ago, when Nathan would quote this to me. I saw it as that "S" personality style in a negative view of just taking the easy way out, no plans, just letting life "happen" to them. Now...I've learned a different path. I am highly driven to bring love and light into this world and help others discover theirs. Nathan and I love to create places and experiences that allow us all to look with the awe and joy of a child embracing the moment. 

So my drive forward is clear - I will keep creating and seeking the beauty in this world. And, my other focus is on cultivating. Not just inventing everything on my own path; cultivating what is into a growth opportunity and a chance to connect. The river is our lives. Regardless of how I, as one tiny droplet, move forward, I'm still following the path of the river. Every twist and turn opens a new door of experience, and what I do with it is up to me. 

It's not just about my own drive. How does it move through the river with the others? While I may have an agenda, everyone else does as well.

So how do I handle the surprise that unfolds before me when what is differs from the story I wrote? 

Learn To Flex

My big-picture agenda in this life is to bring light and love to others, starting inward and rippling out from there. I have big visions for how to accomplish this and am working toward the many ways to give from a full cup

Yet my agenda on exactly how that's going to play out in my life is open to flexibility. As I move forward, every interaction I have, every experience, opens the door to new insights and new choices. 

Grace for growth. Permission to pivot. 

Keep moving forward, and recognize it's okay to give a little. It doesn't mean you're giving up or losing yourself. You may be gaining a connection. You may be finding a compromise that allows two people to be heard instead of a win/lose situation. It may be you (gasp) discover a new interest or insight. 

Your Weekly Challenge:

So our challenge to you this week - 

Before you jump into your needs, step back and observe. 

Do they have other people walking on eggshells around you?

Is it just you sitting happy in this? Or, even worse...are you really happy?

Knowing what we like, don't like, need and desire is important in this world. Yet it's only one step. 

How does this work in relationship to the relationships you want to cultivate? How does your impact affect our planet? Are you opening up to learn and grow with others, or simply holding your own microphone? 

Pay attention - when we share and learn together, have grace for growth and permission to pivot, we can truly celebrate how the uniqueness in each of us streng,thens all of us. And we're all the better because of it as we grow together. 

About the author, Ashley Logsdon


Ashley Logsdon is a Family and Personality Styles Coach and Lifelong Learner. She and her husband Nathan are RVing the States and unschooling their 3 girls. Her mission is to shift the mindsets of families from reaction to intention, and guide them in creating the family they love coming home to. Looking deeper than the surface, we assess the strengths, triggers, and simplifying your lifestyle so you truly recognize how the uniqueness in each of us strengthens all of us.

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