Do It Scared (Episode 121)
Are you held back by fear, or just don’t feel like you can squeeze in any of your own awesomeness when you are raising a family and simply reacting to the chaos? Well, Ruth Soukup says it’s time to “do it scared”. This week I break down what she means by this.
Archetypes and Action Steps to move you forward: Do It Scared!
What Is An Archetype?
So what exactly do I mean by an archetype? Well, according to Webster, an archetype is "a very typical example of a certain person or thing". So essentially an archetype, much like the personality styles, is just a classic behavior we fall into.
If you're curious what archetype you might be, you can take the free quiz here to determine what yours is!
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Where are we this week?
Although I'm still in Texas according to Instagram, we've actually moved all the way back across the country to sweet Florida again to settle in for the winter.
With some crazy cold fronts coming through, we bolted here as fast as we could, and are enjoying some down time in between the holidays and friends. Follow us on our journey on Insta as the FieldTripGypsies!
Where Do You Resonate?
There are several archetypes Ruth has laid out in her book, based on the research she ran over thousands of surveyors. These are the top fear archetypes (which are also chapters in her book):
I personally resonated with the “procrastinator” archetype. In "Do It Scared," Ruth says, "When you can start looking at life as a series of lessons rather than mistakes, it will give you more freedom to experiment rather than always striving to achieve perfection."
In her book, she really goes in depth all the various aspects of each archetype, and I love that she breaks each down into more than just the negative, but the overall personality behind each one.
She addresses the:
- Positive attributes
- Habits and behaviors
- The voice – your self-talk
- How it holds you back
And then she gets specific with strategies to overcome, like how to reframe your thinking.
Some additional resources for you
- Feeling completely overwhelmed and stressed out?
- Opposites Attract…And How To Live With Them (Episode 86)
- On Getting Lost, Laughter, and the Wisdom of Dr. Dre (Episode 12)
- What Do You Want This Life To Be? (Episode 16)
- 100 Ways To Happy (Episode 100)
- Gameplan to Create Your Family Vision
- Struggling With Your Past Wounds? Explore "The Work"
- What Does “Freedom” Really Look Like? (Episode 119)
- I Don’t Have Time For A “Side Hustle” – I Have Kids! (Episode 120)
Flip the Script
A super powerful lesson is to look at "flipping the script" on what's holding you back. I had a client this week where we looked at exactly that - flipping the script on her approach from "I don't know what I'm doing" to "I'm clear and confident with a plan."
What would you be without that thought? It boils down to these three things:
Reframe Your Thinking, Take action, & Create accountability
How are you going to re-write these fears and things that hold you back? What is your self-talk saying? Can you really do it scared, or recognize what scares you and eliminate that so you simply just do it?
The Rule Follower
"If you’re a rule-follower, taking the time to create and adopt your own set of principles – the basic core values you want to follow in your own life – can help you alleviate the constant pressure you feel from adhering to everyone else’s norms. Your principles don’t need to be elaborate or even completely original, but they should ring true to you and fit with your own set of core believes. These will give you your own set of guidelines to follow – a set of guidelines that should overrule the “rules” you hear from other people and outside sources." (Ruth Soukup, Do It Scared)
Go back to your why. What are your core values? What is most important to you? What are your greatest desires – for yourself and your family? What is your family vision? If you haven’t created this for your marriage and for your family, you can go here to get started.
The outcast has a fear that often manifests itself by rejecting others before you have a chance to be rejected. Are you shutting things down too quickly, making sure you reject any risk of rejection yourself? What would you be if you simply accepted and tried? What would happen if you could not fail?
The Excuse Maker
I loved this whole section, directly from the Do It Scared book:
"As an excuse maker, you may find that the most powerful action you can take in your life is to adopt a no-excuses mentality. It’s an act of courage whenever you make the decision to accept responsibility for every choice and decision you make. A no-excuses mentality means putting an end to all the justifications and refusing to lay the blame on someone who hurt you, the circumstances you’re in, or the terrible things that happened to you.
Psychologists refer to this concept as a shift in the locus of control, the extent to which people believe they have internal control over their lives, as opposed to believing that their lives are determined by external forces beyond their control. Not surprisingly, people who have an internal locus of control are far more motivated, productive and successful in life. This means that becoming more motivated is often just a matter of taking responsibility for your choices.
While it may seem scary at first, adopting a no-excuses mentality and taking complete responsibility for your life and your circumstances are incredibly freeing! When you take ownership, you don’t have to worry about what happens to you or how other people might treat you or what obstacles might come your way, because ultimately you are in control." (Ruth Soukup, Do It Scared)
Embrace Common Sense
And yet another powerful section here:
"So when your fears rear their ugly head, go to this. Just because someone says something is true, or because it shows up on the internet, or because “everyone” is repeating it as face doesn’t actually make it true.
That’s where good old-fashioned common sense and critical thinking skills are so important. The next time you hear something that “everyone” is talking about – or freaking out over – ask yourself, does this actually make sense? Is this the crisis or emergency people are making it out to be? Could there be a different perspective?" (Ruth Soukup, Do It Scared)
Step into another’s shoes. See a different perspective and what really resonates. What is truly fact - or an emergency - to you? Entertain some different perspective and vantage points to get clarity on what rings true for YOU, not just from one source.
Break It Into BiteSize
So when it comes to fears, break them into bite-size pieces. Make it manageable enough that you can look at something small that you can do right now to move you forward.
Break it down from "someday" to this year, then from this year to this month, then from this month to this week, down to what you can do today. It’s not that a big goal just happens – it’s continual movement toward that right direction. It’s the little steps that lead up to it. And it’s amazing how many people don’t take the time to do this.
It'll always remain "one day" until you put a date on it.
Break your big goals into smaller milestones, and really assess what is most important...and how you’ll make it happen.
Break It Into BiteSize
Ruth has a great breakdown in her book as a daily focus sheet – breaking it down to:
How Will You Celebrate?
Different personality styles are going to find motivation in different ways:
- D – What can you accomplish and check off – it may be simply checking it off is celebration enough!
- I – How can you make it fun – is it a party, a social outing, a special treat?
- S – Maybe it’s giving yourself permission to just curl up wth a good book.
- C – Taking some time to just turn it all off and just BE.
Look for ways to celebrate the little things – it’s those celebrations are the encouragement to move forward. Get excited and celebrate the small things – those are the catalysts to make the big things happen.
Your Weekly Challenge:
What is really holding you back? Send me an email (or comment below) this week with what fear you may be struggling with, and I’ll pick one listener to get Ruth’s book.
How can you rise in your own greatness? How can you really thrive in your own strengths?
How can you complete one another, and seek to live in how the uniqueness in each of us strengthens all of us?
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