3 Steps For A Family Team (Episode 168)
Are you trying to keep afloat in a child-centered home? When you think of your family, do you consider them a team, all working together, or everyone beating to the rhythm of their own drum? Can you actually support individualism while establishing yourself as a family team?
can you move from a child-centered home to a family team?
Stop, Collaborate and Listen
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When you are in business, you may collaborate on a project. Collaboration is a word that literally means “the act of laboring together.” And as much as we can talk about collaboration meaning working together, sometimes it's much easier to go "ice, ice baby" than to stop, (truly) collaborate and listen!
Have you experienced frustration in your home like:
- My family just can't seem to get along with one another.
- I have a child that seems to be a constant disruption in our home, and runs the place.
- Everyone just does their own thing - we aren't connected at all.
What we don't always consider is that, while each family member is an individual, in order to all live together in harmony, you're much more likely to be successful with a team approach.
You may have individually unique children but, as a parent, you must develop a family team.
How do you develop a collaborative family team?
Collaboration is a developmental activity. It may come naturally to some, but for many, it takes solid leadership strategy to bring a group of individuals into a collaborative team structure. Yet, as parents, how often do we just react to what our children are doing versus looking how everyone can play a part?
Just like in work, you can’t just put people on a team and expect them to figure out the working dynamics, you can't just expect that the family will perfectly fall in place. There are three critical components to creating a collaborative family team:
#1: Celebrate your differences
We talk a lot about personality styles in here. And honestly, the Namaste Personality Snapshot isn't just a measure of everything you're about. It identifies default behavior tendencies, and helps to better understand why people will react to things in certain ways. It has been a huge eye-opener for families to better understand the needs of each family member. In my coaching, it's been incredible to see the ah-ha's from even my youngest clients, like a 7-year-old who now has learned a new tool of counting to 7 to help him learn more patience, especially with sibling interactions!
#2: Find Common Ground
We each have our own perspectives, and when everyone is standing their ground trying to convince the rest to think like them, it can create conflict and chaos in the home. This is where a family vision is so, so helpful. Have you created a clear focus for what your family is all about? Are you all on the same page with agreeing your family will be loving, or respectful, or that you all love the outdoors and want to keep it as a priority?
#3: Establish Clear Goals and Responsibilities
One of the biggest dividers of team is lack of clarity. If there are not clear goals and accountabilities established, it’s every person for themselves. At this point, you can end up with confusion as to who is responsible for what...and with young kids, this often means one parent is bearing the brunt of the load.
With no clear direction, no common goal, no planning or accountability for getting there, it becomes a mass of confusion. Those who do not like confusion will scatter to their respective corners to try and make sense of it all. And you can quickly have walls built within your home that are way more damaging than just closing a door.
In a state of confusion and and a disjointed team, you eliminate collaboration. And that limits the synergy you could collectively create together that is greater than you can alone. When everyone is clear on who they are, what their strengths are they can bring to the family, and what their responsibilities are to be a part of the family team, you'll find a way more connected home, where, "the uniqueness in each of us strengthens all of us."
The next time you have a family issue, break it down and see if you're truly working as a family team.
- Is it an issue of someone not recognizing the value of their differences?
- Is it that they do not feel a genuine connection with the another family member?
- Or is it a lack of clarity on goals and accountability?
A family team doesn't just magically appear.
It is developed over time of clearly communicating and working together.
Your Weekly Challenge:
If you haven't already, get intentional about that family vision statement. It doesn't have to be long and drawn out - if it's not something you can memorize, you aren't likely to retain it on a regular basis. So make it something easy to remember - a poem, song, chant, acronym, short phrase, etc. But let it be a common ground that your whole family believes in and can agree on.
When you start out with that common thread and celebrate each person's unique strengths, you can empower them to step into a role in the family that not only helps out, but offers a sense of purpose and significance in their role in the family. And when you are working together as that family team, you can really celebrate how the uniqueness in each of us strengthens all of us. Namaste
Some resources to dig deeper...
- On Boundaries – Your Children Are Not The Center Of The Universe
- If You Want Daddy To Be Involved, Get Out Of The Way
- The Steps For Emotional Resilience (Episode 150)
- Embrace The Struggle (Episode 41)
- Learning from Home the Socratic Way with Samantha Jansky (Episode 158)
- How Do I Bond With My Child? (Episode 167)
- 48 Days to the Work You Love – Education and Career Choices
- Safety, Deliberate Dialogue, and CIA Spies (Episode 88)
- How do I equip my kid to “adult”? (Episode 89)
- To Build Resilience, Let Them Bounce (Episode 36)
- To Build Empathy, Whatever You Do, Don’t Do This… (Episode 33).