Letting Go Of The Agenda…and Managing Expectations (Episode 148)
Managing expectations and agendas can be hard, especially when we get stuck if they don't go our way. What Nathan and I have learned is that, if we flip the script on what we're truly seeking, we're able to not only think forward, but also go with the flow.
Unspoken Expectations Lead to loads of resentment
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Reframing our relationship
Let's face it - we come into situations with our own preconceived notions, our own expectations and agendas for how it's supposed to look, to feel, to be. Yet, the bottom line is that there are many elements of life that are beyond our control. And, when it comes to expectations and agendas, anything beyond our own personal responses can be a bit of a wild card.
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Our Relationship With Money
A few weeks back, we talked about our relationship with money. Robert Kiyosaki talks about this topic in Rich Dad, Poor Dad. It's not just about being a good steward of your money, but looking at the ownership money has on you. Being an entrepreneur is a mindset shift, in recognizing money is simply that exchange of energy.
When Nathan and I played the game Cashflow, I experienced a big paradigm shift, flipping my mindset with a simple question. I flipped,
"Can I afford this?"
"Is this a worthwhile investment?"
And it rocked my world. I started to see that money was an energy exchange - I give my time, my focus, my skills...in exchange for it. And when I look at life as an energy exchange, I get to determine what, exactly, is a worthwhile investment. Not only of my money, but my time, my energy...and my emotions.
Clearly communicate what's important to you. If it's not voice, how can you expect others to read your mind? Be realistic about what is truly feasible - maybe it's not a good idea to take your 2-year-old to that fancy restaurant right now. Maybe taking your introvert family to the Macy's Day parade is a bit overkill.
And when you DO choose to do something - figure out how you'll navigate it - do a tag-team approach to manage chaos. Prep your family in advance for what is important and how you want things to go. Clearly communicate.
our Relationship with Emotions
And then there is the relationship to our emotions. Those high hopes and expectations. The agendas where everything has to go exactly as planned, or...you're wrecked.
Have you ever experienced those moments where you were just utterly crushed with dissapointment? How about pain or loss? Do you know that feeling of sitting with anger, hatred or resentment?
Those feelings are raw, and oftentimes valid. They are those awakening spaces where we sometimes get lost to be found again. And yet...we have to move past to be found.
"To let go of does not mean to get rid of. To let go means to let be. When we let be with compassions, things come and go on their own." -Jack Kornfield
Feeling emotions that aren't fun can be some of the most powerful, enlightening and awakening growth opportunities...IF we move past it and take what we can learn from it.
This is mental health month - and there are many who struggle every day with mental illness that prevents them from moving forward. Make this moment your choice - are you able to move past the emotions to learn, grow, and thrive, or is today the day you decide to get the support you need?
It's okay to seek help. We are community. We do need each other, and we're better because of it.
Some additional resources for you
- What is our purpose for money?
- Money can’t buy…
- Money, marriage and mountain lions (episode 58)
- How Are You Going To Pay For Your Party? (Episode 53)
- Which Wolf Do You Feed? Work & Finances (Episode 23)
- What does freedom look like?
- Our relationship to money
- Tendencies, Unmet Expectations & Personality Clashes (Episode 137)
- When Routines Are Off And Expectations Are High (Episode 83)
Your Weekly Challenge:
Pay attention to two things this week - money and emotions.
What can you approach this week with the question, "Is this a worthwhile investment?"
How about, "is this feeling worth holding on to?"
Personality styles, marriage/intimacy, parenting, education, minimalism or travel - what is pressing on your mind?
I'm here for you. From free resources to full on 1-1 coaching for your unique situation, you aren't alone.
You invest in toys, date nights or Disney. When was the last time you invested in something to get intentional with your family connection?
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