90 Days of Unschooling

Get to the "why"

I know that it is really hard for me to do something if I'm not clear on the "why" behind it. If I can't see the merit in it, how motivated am I to do it? Well, that's true for our kids as well. Yes, unschooling parents aren't coming at their children with an agenda of all the things they need to do...however, there are life skills that are vital for their independence, and those are things your kids will need to know, regardless of whether they feel like it or not. Remember, in nature, how many animals allow their children to mooch off them and sleep on their couch their whole lives? In our natural growth and development, there comes a point where you have to stretch yourself beyond what you know in order to move forward, and sometimes that takes more push than you can do on your own. 

If our child sees no merit in reading, it's hard to justify it. Yet, how often do we accommodate for our child by interpreting signs and words all over? Do we read everything to them so they never have to? The older our kids got, the less we did it for them, and the more space we gave them to step up. When they showed interest, we were all over it. When they said they didn't want to, we pulled back. Yet this right here is where many can get stuck. If you unschool, you just wait for when they want to again, right? 

Well, just like strewing is setting new things out for your children to discover and learn more about, as our children grow, we gradually decrease what all we do for them. We may start by wiping their butts, carrying them and feeding them, yet ultimately they learn all of this on their own. And it's the inconvenience of not always being picked up that often pushes that child to learn to get around on their own. 

We use "inconveniences" to our advantage. If our child doesn't want to read, my goal is to find what she really does want to do, and then help her discover how ridiculously inconvenient it is to not be able to read and have to rely on someone else to do it. It's not to cover for her, but to open up the door to the discomfort of not being able to do what she wants on her own. The more she recognizes what a pain it is to be in the dark until someone can explain the words, the more she takes ownership of wanting that control herself. See, I found my daughters "currency" of wanting to be in control of her life and be independent. When she saw that wouldn't fully happen without her reading on her own, she was willing to do the work. 

Ensure your children know the "why" behind what you're pushing them on, so they see the merit in moving forward into an unknown.

What "Peer Potential" is out there?

On top of allowing things to be inconvenient, we allow them to see "proof of concept". We hesitated on calling this "peer pressure" because it's not about shaming or comparing our kids to others; it's simply allowing them to see others doing things with ease. It took Clara seeing her much younger cousins swimming before she determined it was time for her to learn. And it was the best friend raving about The Magic Treehouse series that finally prompted Juliet to jump into reading. 

Let others be an inspiration for your kids to show them what's possible. Again, this is not about shaming and comparisons. It's about letting them see what all is possible, and how many were able to learn it to give them the confidence that they, too, can accomplish it.

What Are You Reflecting?

Our children are often mirrors of our own actions - and reactions. What are you modeling? Are you showing your own desire for personal growth and development? Are you sharing with them when you struggle, and why you choose to do it anyway?

Do your children see your own growth journey? Are you truly living life with them, or in spite of them? It takes a lot of work to have a thriving relationship - it's ongoing communication and seeking to understand one another and learn how to love each other best. There are many homes that struggle for two parents to do this, much less including their children in the process. 

We talked in the podcast -and so did "Black Dad" on his video - about how unschooling seems to be more of a parenting style than an educational model. And with that concept, I'm not simply waiting for my child to be 100% excited about anything that comes their way. We're living life together, and navigating new scenarios and challenges constantly. My work as a parent is to continue to lovingly expose our kids to those crucial life skills they need for independence until they're ready to dig in deeper. Sometimes it's from true desire, interest and curiosity that just took a while to bloom. Sometimes it's because it's become such a pain to NOT learn it (like riding a bike or reading). And sometimes, they'll muscle through because of the inspiration of other kids, like our children learning how to play whiffle ball recently even though they'd never really thrown a ball with kids before. 

Unschooling is not about having all the answers - it's looking at what tools you can use to move you forward, and testing your hypothesis as you go, knowing it's ever-changing. 

A friend asked me this week what unschooling meant to us, and this was my definition:

There are so many things we can second-guess in parenting, and throwing out the structure of a curriculum model means unschooling parents are in an ocean with no boundaries - it can be a scary thing! 

Yet the more we simply go back to humanity - and we give grace for our fumbling in our desire for growth and seeing our children thrive - the more we can simply live life with them, and help them learn the "why" along the way. The more in tune they are with their own internal motivation and drive, the better they will be able to work around others. And their insights and awareness of themselves so often becomes the door to open awareness of others as well, and we can help them see how the uniqueness in each of us strengthens all of us. Namaste.