Know When To Hold ‘Em, Know When To Fold ‘Em… (Episode 214)
Remember that old Kenny Rogers song, "The Gambler"? The main chorus talks about knowing when to hold your deck and when to fold it...and wow, have we discussed this in our home.
Life is a gamble. There is risk, and we can't always predict every outcome. We have to be willing to roll with it, and that sometimes means rolling with the punches that come, and working on building resilience.
When we have a change of plans, so often we'll have friends or family members cringe and say, "oh, I don't want to disappoint the kids!" And Nathan and I laugh and say we have zero issue disappointing them - this is a part of life and the more they learn how to navigate it, the better they will flow with it!
We have to know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em, know when to walk away, know when to run. You never count your money, when you're sitting at the table. There'll be time enough for counting when the dealings done.
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Timing is everything
Yep, it truly is. Timing can make or break so many things. We're currently living in the Florida Keys, and we know those magical moments of the perfect tide, current and weather, and how we have to quickly shift gears and drop everything.
And, with this wonderful Florida island weather, we've had plenty of times for disappointment and changing plans.
I know it's a perfect day for the water - yet we made a commitment to the park to volunteer today, and that means we are going to be wearing our uniforms instead of bathing suits. Time to "hold 'em."
We said we were going to go snorkeling, however the tide just shifted and the water is too murky. Time to "fold 'em" and change plans.
Yes, that friend was fun to play with, yet you know they were doing something that wasn't respectful of the park. That was smart to say your piece and then "walk away" vs. getting roped into something that could get you into trouble.
Okay - we have a lot on our plate today. Daddy and I have a podcast to record, and we also have playtime planned with your friend this afternoon. That being said...it's that perfect opportunity for the water. Oh my gosh, it's crystal clear and zero wind. There are times you have to "know when to run" because it's worth the extra push. Yes, it was a tight squeeze to get it all in, yet so worth it - we swam with a sea turtle and dolphins!
Life has a lot of twists and turns. There are opportunities for course correction, and there are plenty of times that life just flat doesn't go perfectly aligned with our own personal agenda. Timing is a big part of this.
Your Children are Not The Center Of The Universe
Not only is timing so important, it's also critical to recognize our part in the world. We are one of many humans out there. Yes, we are unique and each light shines differently, yet it's important to recognize the world as a whole doesn't revolve around you as an individual.
It's important to us to bring awareness to what our impact is beyond ourselves. We want to ensure our children recognize their ripple effect. Not only all they bring to the world, but also how their actions affect others around them.
We make an effort to let our kids know what's working well for them and what isn't. We address things like personal space, reading the energy in the room, and have a little saying, "once is enough, twice is too much, three times is annoying." Why do we do these? Not just because we're picky parents, but because we recognize not everyone thinks our little bundles of joy are as awesome as we do. The fact is, there are some people that just won't like them for the simple fact that they are kids! So do they recognize that and know how to navigate it?
Are you children okay with the world not revolving around them? Have they experienced being shut down by an adult simply because they were a kid, or being pushed aside as others move forward with their agenda? Unfortunately, this is something most of us experience in this life.
It's way easier for me to equip my children with the tools to navigate what comes their way than to keep them in a bubble that protects them from the ups and downs of reality.
Visit The Darkness
Visit the dark scary with your kids. Follow the fears through - both yours and theirs. Are they really going to shrivel away from starvation if you spend an afternoon at the park without a snack? Have you worked through the other side of boredom, to see what they may innovate or create?
Visit compromise. Visit lack. See what it may innovate or foster. There is a time for everything. Maybe this is a time for a powerful lesson to be learned, even in the not so great things. It's in the struggle and the pain that we find the comparison for the ease and the healing. Our kids have major gratitude for an awesome meal because of the "food desert" areas we've traveled in where good and healthy food has been scarce. They are grateful for a good friendship because of experiencing the pain of being burned by one that wasn't really a friend. I don't want them to have to experience every pain, yet I cannot discount the merit of the growth that has happened due to those not-so-great feelings we've experienced. Anger, sadness, disappointment, rejection, mistakes...these are all going to happen. Would you rather them get slapped with it on their own, or walk with them (in love) through it?
Your Weekly Challenge:
See the world through what is possible that you can innovate and create with what is. Look for how you work within the world instead of it working for you. What can you flow with regardless of outside circumstances?
We all have plenty of stories we could write and justifications for what we've been through. How are you telling stories to yourself? How is this an echo of your life? How is this modeling the path you want your child to go down?
Build confidence in your kiddos and give them the tools to handle that person that doesn't like children, that letdown of plans that got foiled, or the emergency that they are going to need to muscle through without all of their nice conveniences. Experiment with not having the world at their fingertips. Jump in with your children as you create, innovate, adapt and grow as we all explore how the uniqueness in each of us strengthens all of us. Namaste.
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Questions or comments?
Personality styles, marriage/intimacy, parenting, education, minimalism or travel - what is pressing on your mind?
Or, hop on over to the Unschooling Families FB group and ask your question there!