What are you investing your time and energy in? How much of our life is taken up by triggers - things that set us off into reaction-mode and potentially lose sight of our real focus? How often are you stressed about your lack of time to get things accomplished, and feel overwhelmed by all on your plate?
Sometimes we can get so lost in reacting to what comes our way, we lose sight of what is really important and we get mired up in the clutter of life, simply putting out fires everywhere.
Automobile University
Are you familiar with "automobile university?" A study by the University of Southern California revealed that if you live in a metropolitan area and drive 12,000 miles a year, you can acquire the equivalent of two years of college education in three years’ time by listening to educational information in your car.
Since the average American adult spends from two hundred to seven hundred hours each year in an automobile, this is good news!
What Are Your Triggers?
With all of our fulltime travel, we have plenty of road time to take in audiobooks and podcasts. A while back, I listened to a powerful book called "Triggers: Creating Behavior That Lasts and Becoming the Person You Want To Be" by Marshall Goldsmith. This one investigated the environmental and sociological triggers that can derail us in work and in life.
Interestingly enough, in my work with personality styles, this is a key element - by understanding an individual's unique personality style, you can better identify those triggers that bring out the best (and the worst) in each other.
Every personality has a different fear that can be triggered - and with that comes our most gut responses...and often those negative reactions where we don't always think things through. Where feeling out of control, rejected, insecure or criticized may shift your intentions and you start to just throw punches or retaliate out of your fears. Great leadership can turn into micromanaging, being the life of the party can explode to being an obnoxious space invader, or you retreat into apathy or criticizing as a defense mechanism to keep yourself "safe."
Am I Willing, At This Time...
Chapter thirteen was a pretty pivotal chapter for me, especially in looking at relationships in your home. He uses the acronym AIWATT and discusses this mindset:
Am I Willing, At This Time, to make the investment required to make a positive difference on this topic?
Every endeavor comes with this first principle that dramatically improves our chances of success. How willing are you to invest in...anything?
In sitting down with your children - are you really present in the moment?
Are you investing in your relationship with your spouse - and willing to have those hard conversations that may get you out of a rut and into a deeper connection?
What about that friend who wants to jump into the latest gossip or complain once again about situations completely out of your control?
Are you willing to invest to make a positive difference on this topic? What exactly does that investment look like?
Let go. Soak in.
Here is the biggie - sometimes, the best investment you can make is by simply letting it go. Sometimes, it's not about what you are dishing out as much as what you are soaking in.
There are times in our lives where the best investment we can make in someone else's life is simply being present. Sometimes, people simply need to vent. They might need a listening ear, a shoulder to cry on, or just to process in a safe place.
And sometimes, your silence speaks volumes on what you are willing to invest in. Don't get stuck in the rut of venting. How much of your conversation is laced with negativity, a victim mentality, or a fixed mindset? Don't be a doormat, and also don't invest your energy in negativity. Remember that your time is an investment regardless - so ensure the good outweighs the bad.
Invest in your health
Recognize your own health and wellness - and when your energy bucket is drained, and your investments have all been external, your body will check you. Where your focus goes, your energy flows - so keep in mind your own self care as well.
Make space for what is important - the relationships you most cherish, your health, and your overall wellbeing. Pay attention to how much the little incidentals are pulling you away and whether they are truly important.
Balance the good and the bad, and keep your focus on that which brings a positive outcome.
What DO I invest in?
Invest in relationships that lift you up. Invest in your own mind, body, and soul. Take a walk. Meditate. Work out. Run around with your children. Remember how valuable your time is, and give it the respect it deserves.
Feeling Stuck?
Personality styles, marriage/intimacy, parenting, education, minimalism or travel - what is pressing on your mind?
I'm here for you. From free resources to full on 1-1 coaching for your unique situation, you aren't alone.
You invest in toys, date nights or Disney. When was the last time you invested in something to get intentional with your family connection?
Ann, I haven’t read it yet, but have had many friends recommend “The Biology of Belief” by Bruce Lipton – not sure if it’s up your alley, but with your interest in science as well it might be an interesting read! It’s on my list of books to get to – if you read it, I’d love to hear your thoughts.
Sutton, yep, you’ll love it!
I’ll have to check that book out. It sounds like it has a lot to do with changing habits, which I’m digging into.
Ashley this is fascinating and something I definitely want to learn more about! I have put the Triggers book on my list of summer Kindle books to read! I have been studying about cellular memories and how they influence our present choices and this goes right along with that. Presently taking a course via CD from David Hawkins on consciousness and how it affects health and recovering from disease. They are all parts of the puzzle we call life! Great post.
Ashley,
This is golden information! Just this morning, I was thinking about ironing a situation out with someone that would have resulted in only unnecessary drama. Problems are usually solved best with healthy and non-stress inducing people. I learned to hold my peace and invest in quality dialogue. Reminds me of the saying: “When you get in the mud with a pig, you get dirty and the pig gets happy.” So I decided to just let it go, and I’m so glad I did. That decision brought peace and allowed me to focus on what really matters. I love this statement you said: “sometimes, the best investment you can make is by simply letting it go. Sometimes, it’s not about what you are dishing out as much as what you are soaking in. Sometimes, people simply need to vent. And sometimes, your silence speaks volumes on what you are willing to invest in. Don’t get stuck in the rut of venting, either. Don’t be a doormat, and also don’t invest your energy in negativity.”
Yes, I got a lot of great blog inspiration from this book – I think you would really love reading it. Lots of application for this question, and something I need to remind myself of in terms of what conversations need to be said and what is best to let go of. Thanks for reading!
Ashley – I love the thought here. The acronym AIWATT is killer. Applies to so many areas. We can use that in the Coaching Mastery training. “Am I willing, at this time, to make the investment required to change my life in a positive way?