Perspectives on Attraction (Episode 223)
What truly makes an attractive person? Well, in my opinion, covering these key characteristic ingredients is a solid first step. Yet beyond that - when we look at attraction and what draws people to one another, we have to take a good look at if there really is a perfect image, look, character trait or more that makes this up.
As we embark on a new series to kick off a new course I'm excited to share with you, I wanted to take a fresh look at the way we view things, and lay out a bit more what you're really looking for in attracting someone else, or being drawn to them.
Have you truly stood in the shoes of another to see things in the way perceive them?
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The Blind Men and the Elephant
Something I've frequently used in my talks on personality styles is the poem, The Blind Men and the Elephant. This is such a great example of how we all can feel very strongly from our own perspectives and be right...and yet also very wrong:
If you want to learn this poem and love some great music, check out Natalie Merchant's rendition of this poem in song - we love it!
Our Perspectives of Rightness
Your perspective, your experience, is yours to own. While others my impress their perspectives and experiences on you, how you receive it is entirely up to you. You have to keep in mind that as much as this is your reality and perspective, the other person is coming at it from the same vantage point. If you're like the blind men and the elephant, the perspective of comparing the animal to a fan or spear are very different, yet based on where they were standing, very accurate.
Have you considered this for other things in life? That, from the vantage point of the person you are in conflict with, they feel entirely right and justified in their actions?
Shedding Light on the Bigger Picture
In the podcast above, Nathan shares about Anita Moorjani's book, Dying To Be Me. In it, Anita shares about her life-after-death experience of dying on the operating table in the hospital and coming back to life. Her story was so powerful and moving that Wayne Dyer begged her to write a book on it.
In it, she shared an analogy of what it was like when she saw life through the bigger picture of death and beyond. She compared it to having looked at life with a pinhole flashlight - focused in one area. And when she died, it was if someone went into this dark warehouse with her flashlight and flipped the lights on and everything beyond that pin-hold of light was illuminated.
Wow, there are two aspects of this that are beautiful. Number one, each of our little pinhole flashlights can illuminate a different area - so just like the blind men, our different perspectives allow us to get a better glimpse at the whole picture.
And secondly, there are some who are really great at seeing through their one vantage point. There are people who very clearly see the details and patterns and understand it. There are others who can clearly grasp the colors and the emotions, yet miss the systems to keep moving forward. And there are others who shine so fast they get a broader scope of a bigger picture, yet struggle with the details.
Can you look at someone's approach as less of an attack or conflict and more of a different vantage point that may shed additional light on a topic?
The Uniqueness In Each Of Us Strengthens All Of Us
If you do not appreciate the community of wealth around you as a valid source of content, you're limiting yourself. All of our differing perspectives are part of what makes up that bigger picture and broad view. Each one of those blind men brought a perspective on the elephant that would be helpful if one were to explain the elephant as a whole - each description shed a pin-light of deeper insight to educate us in that one area.
So instead of looking at how we compete with one another to "win", what if we looked at things with more of a synergistic approach. We can complete instead of compete. We can great something stronger and more powerful when we all come fully to the table with all our strengths, and make space for others to do the same. And, as parents, can we equip our children to be a part of the family team where each person can bring their own perspectives and insights into the family?
Your Weekly Challenge:
This week, let's shed a little more light on the family as a whole. What does each person really see and experience from their perspective? Have you all heard each other out? Have you stood in another's shoes and really tried to experience what they have gone through?
Like last week's episode where we talk about earning the right and matching investments, before you can place any judgement or speak to anything, have you truly stood in their shoes and experienced it?
As we are building up to sharing a new "DISCovering You" course, we want to hear from you. What questions do you have? What is the most difficult relationship you're struggling with right now? What is a point of conflict where you feel stuck? What is your biggest pet peeve about someone else?
The more we can get a handle on all of these differing perspectives, the more we open the door and seek to understand beyond our own reality, the more we come together. Maybe it will spark a new seed of appreciation for someone else in your world as you hear their story, and we can celebrate how the uniqueness in each of us strengthens all of us. Namaste.
- Recipe for a Light-Hearted Relationship: Part 1 – Triggers (Episode 219)
- Recipe for a Light-Hearted Relationship: Part 2 – Love Languages (Episode 220)
- Recipe for a Light-Hearted Relationship: Part 3 – Ingredients for Intimacy (Episode 221)
- Recipe for a Light-Hearted Relationship: Part 4 – Instructions for Intention (Episode 222)
- What Is A DISC Personality Assessment?
- Safety, Deliberate Dialogue, and CIA Spies (Episode 88)
- Which is More Important - Skillset or Mindset? (Episode 218)
- Self-Love, or Self-Sabotage? (Episode 152)
- Ashley Logsdon, Relationship Coach
- Personality Styles
Questions or comments?
Personality styles, marriage/intimacy, parenting, education, minimalism or travel - what is pressing on your mind?
Or, hop on over to the Unschooling Families FB group and ask your question there!