Recipe for a Light-Hearted Relationship: Part 3 – Ingredients for Intimacy (Episode 221) ⋆ Mama Says Namaste

Recipe for a Light-Hearted Relationship: Part 3 – Ingredients for Intimacy (Episode 221)

As we've been brewing on what the ingredients were for a light-hearted relationship, we started with some foundational elements. In episode 219, we talked about those things that trigger us into reactive behavior, oftentimes those moments when we struggle to see beyond our own fear. In episode 220, we went into the many languages of love and how we can connect with people in a variety of ways.

Now, as we start to lay down specific "ingredients" to a light-hearted relationship batter, these key things are what we believe are essential. This week, we simply state the ingredients needed. Your homework is to "go shopping" and ensure each of them are qualities you are actively stepping into in your relationship. And next week, we'll wrap it up with the instructions to make it sing. 

A cake without sugar just isn't the same - any one ingredient missing below would result in a very different relationship.

You want light-hearted, supported and loving? try these ingredients together. 

Listen to this episode on iTunes, Stitcher, Google Play, TuneIn, YouTube, iHeartRadio or your RSS Feed

Ingredients for a Light-Hearted Relationship

Why, you may ask, do we keep focusing on "light-hearted?" Well, it sums up the feeling Nathan and I feel about each other. It's the essence of our most loving relationship - to share both our hearts and the lightness and joy of life, and to come together with another person and feel the fullest love and lightness you can have in this that is a beautiful thing. 

So these ingredients are pretty complex in themselves. Each one is a big task of personal work. And putting them all together creates a lightness in a relationship that doesn't feel trapped or walking on eggshells. 

So here goes for my "ingredients for intimacy:"

Recipe for a Light-Hearted Relationship:

Ingredients for Intimacy

2 Cups of Personal Responsibility

This is hands-down the biggest element of a successful relationship. Two people willing to step into it with full responsibility for their part. Let me first be very clear on who this blog and podcast is for. It's not for you to learn how to change your partner, or get them to be what you want them to be. It's for you to look at what you can take personal responsibility for and to become the change you want to see in the world. 

There are two key components to personal responsibility that are both essential here - 

  • Growth Mindset 
    • I've talked repeatedly about growth mindset as an essential component for moving forward in life, period. You can be a cog moved around on the wheel of life, randomly hitting up against things and being a "victim of circumstance," or you look at life as a learning lesson, with every struggle being an opportunity to learn something new, or explore what it makes possible. 
    • If you are ever feeling helpless at the mercy of someone else's power over you, look carefully at what you are taking personal responsibility for. Any time one of our children comes to us furious at the injustice of another, our first questions to them are, "What do you take responsibility for? What could you have done differently?"
    • If you view struggles as a horrible negative or setback, try shifting to what it might make possible - did you learn something in the process? Maybe it was simply what not to do again!
  • Clear Communication  
    • Not only is it your personal responsibility to grow and learn (no one can force you to remember and apply insights in your life), it's also your responsibility to clearly communicate your needs! There is so much frustration that happens due to unspoken expectations. If you have a desire, communicate it clearly. If you don't like something, let them know.
    • Don't ever assume someone can read your mind. Especially if you have a growth mindset, what you thought and liked in the past may have changed. As we're constantly growing in our own awareness and enlightenment, our needs and interests may change, and it's up to us to clearly convey any needs to our partners. 

2 Cups of Growability

This is another essential ingredient that is two-fold. In our growth, two things are essential. The willingness to be vulnerable, and then humble enough to accept feedback. Both can be quite difficult pills to swallow, yet oh so crucial in our willingness to work together. 

  • Vulnerability - If you aren't willing to go there in your relationship and share where you might be struggling, there is no opportunity to make it right. Before you address, you must first assess and even bring it into your awareness. That takes an openness and vulnerability to really look at all aspects of who you are and what you bring to the relationship. 
  • Humility - Humble pie is a biggie. I know that, with my personality style, I like to have the upper hand. If I felt attacked, my retaliation would be to fight back. Nathan would call me "last word Ashley" due to my need to always get my piece in. And that didn't bode well for a loving and light-hearted relationship. My biggest "check" on this was when Nathan simply asked me, "What is your goal?" That right there reminded me that if I wanted to build a relationship of mutual love and support with him, I had to stop being a jerk in the process. 

2 Cups of Teamwork

Going to that goal - when you're in a committed relationship, you are agreeing to be on the same team with the common goal of love and connection. If that is your goal, your willingness to work as team players is essential. Again, it can be composed of two parts - 

  • Respect - You have to have genuine respect for who the other person is and what they bring to the table. If you're struggling on this, find a quality you do respect in them - and be sure you let them know your appreciation as you affirm those traits you already love.
  • Growing Together - Secondly, it's not just about growing in your own personal development, but a willingness to grow together. Nothing like parenting to give you plenty of opportunities for this one as you both learn how to parent together!  

1 Cup of Humor

A sense of humor is an absolutely beautiful thing in a relationship. Laughter and joy are things that universally feel good when it comes from a place of true authenticity. Don't be afraid to laugh at yourself and take things with a grain of salt. Find joy and humor as a way to keep things light. If you're struggling with this one, when was the last time you played

1 Cup of Physical Connection

And finally, the element of physical touch. This is an important one many touched-out mamas will gloss over, yet it's so vital in our ability to really rest and recharge in the arms of another, feeling fully supported.

It is hard to remain emotionally distant when you physically connect on a daily basis.

Your Weekly Challenge:

This week, you're simply "going shopping". You are looking at your personal role in your most intimate relationship, and looking at what key areas here you may want to work on yourself. 

This isn't about making the other person get you, this is about you stepping up to ensure you are giving them everything in your power to have the best interaction with you that you can. 

This week, step it up with your own personal shopping list of these ingredients, and focus on you personally showing up with the most quality ingredients you can for this relationship. Invite your partner to take up the challenge with you by listening to this podcast together - yet the ingredients work is individual - if you show up next week expecting that your partner covered getting the ingredients, know that you're already walking into the kitchen halfway unprepared. 

It's when we all step up for our own roles in the relationship that we are able to truly make a difference, and the more we bring awareness to both our strengths and our challenges, the more we can come together with synergy where the uniqueness in each of us strengthens all of us. Namaste. 

Nathan and Ashley Logsdon

Questions or comments?

Personality styles, marriage/intimacy, parenting, education, minimalism or travel - what is pressing on your mind?

Or, hop on over to the Unschooling Families FB group and ask your question there!

Ashley Logsdon

Ashley Logsdon is a Family and Personality Styles Coach and Lifelong Learner. She and her husband Nathan are RVing the States and unschooling their 3 girls. Her mission is to shift the mindsets of families from reaction to intention, and guide them in creating the family they love coming home to. Looking deeper than the surface, we assess the strengths, triggers, and simplifying your lifestyle so you truly recognize how the uniqueness in each of us strengthens all of us. Join the Mama Says Namaste Facebook Group

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