Can I Get A Chill Pill? High Energy Personalities (Episode 224)
Have you encountered people in your life that seem so full of energy they are just constantly "on"? I remember one acquaintance we met where it was so intense being around him I commented to Nathan that I felt like I'd run a marathon simply being in his presence!
There are definitely high energy personalities out there, and sometimes they can barrel through and dominate a conversation to where it's really more of a monologue than an actual back and forth. Or maybe they simply move so fast you're left reeling in their wake.
As we explore more about the personality styles and what all is covered in my new "DISCovering You" course, we've lumped people into two categories - those that are high energy personalities, and those that are high processing. There are superpowers in both aspects, and we'll be digging into them in this post and the one following!
Everyone walks around with a big sign on their chest that cries,
"Make me feel seen/heard!"
We all want to feel important, loved, acknowledged, heard, and more. We're coming at it from many different perspectives. The more we can better understand not only our own approach, but others, the more we can connect. That's the beauty of synergy - how the uniqueness in each of us strengthens all of us.
Getting to the Bottom line
As a child, I was the "bossy" one who always had an opinion on anything and everything. I had my core group of friends, and I remember running the show frequently, even sending my best friend home when we were five because she was wasting paper and not coloring on both sides. When I was twelve, I put my twelve-year-old cousin in time-out. And she did it.
I wasn't a bully, though. I was confident and opinionated and also a natural born leader. I was - I am - a high D personality style. Last week we talked about the many perspectives on how we approach life - and we can lump people into two big categories - those that are high energy, and those who are high processors.
When it comes to being seen and heard, a high D personality style definitely holds their sign high, as they are driven by accomplishments, achievements and prestige. I’d like to say I don’t care about the accomplishments, but, in typical high-D fashion, let me cut to the chase and give you the bottom line: it’s all about the end goal.
Goal-oriented, fast paced, task-focused and driven, a high D is excellent in times of chaos - they delegate, lead and direct in a powerful way. Note to self: remember that life is about the journey and not the destination. Oh clichés, how you help to keep us in line.
High D Insights
So - strengths of a high D style: determined, focused, driven, visionary, persistent, practical, productive, solution-oriented, hard worker, independent, courageous, passionate, decisive, and direct. And, any strength, when under pressure, can become a weakness.
These awesome strengths can quickly become a negative when you play into the fear of this personality style. A high D fears being taken advantage of. They love control, and when they feel they are losing control, those same awesome strengths can come out as major negatives.
When a D feels out of control, they can quickly become bossy, quick-tempered, demanding, rude, tactless, abrupt, inflexible, a workaholic, know-it-all, offensive and close-minded. So here we have, basically, a complete jerk. I'm sure no one can think of anyone guilty of some of these traits. I have never been called any of these, of course! 😉
I know how easy it is for me to get lost in a task and disregard how it might be impacting those around me. This is my mantra to always remind me of what is most important -
Who Is In Control?
The beauty of it all is this: we have a choice in our approach and our actions. When a high D feels out of control, guess what? They can gently be reminded that they always have control over their own reaction. Simply recognizing the negative behavior and identifying the trigger as being lack of control goes a long way in navigating their reaction from a negative to a positive.
This is the part that is fascinating to me - when you know what triggers you to become your worst self, you can approach with more awareness and clarity in how you are coming across to others. Not only that, when you see these behaviors in your children, you immediately can address some techniques that will work in a way that motivates their personality tendencies vs. squashing them down into the box we know none of our kids really fit into.
Precociousness at Play
Beyond the high energy and go-go-go style of a high D personality, the next is the high I personality style, which also tends to operate at a pretty fast pace. Let me share a little story...
By the time I woke up, my darling 3-year-old, Ellie, had decorated the wall, her bunk bed, and herself with permanent red marker (to this day and henceforth Nathan has enlisted a Sharpie ban in the house).
She had on "eyeshadow", and since she'd rather be naked and completely free, she just drew on her own panties. Completely. Colored them all in.
Yes, if you are questioning where she covered, I'll remind you that she colored it all in.
Impulsive, compulsive talker, distractible, interrupts all the time, button-pusher...yep, that's my Ellie, the high I personality style.
Life of the party, friend to everyone, energetic and enthusiastic, incredibly charming, adaptable and engaging...this is my Ellie as well.
Everyone knows the high I style, and the high I knows everyone's name. They are the ultimate connectors and the ones at every social event.
Peacocks are flashy, otters are playful, and the air is everywhere and unpredictable. All great analogies for the high I style. They have open body language, definitely dress to impress, and love to tell stories!
A high I needs recognition and support for their ideas. Remember any strength, without awareness and respect for others, can be their biggest turn-off. For an I, their greatest fear is rejection. They just want to be liked by everyone!
People are their top priority, and they can talk your ear off! When an I senses rejection, sometimes they overcompensate. Then, that entertaining person who started an interesting story is now dragging the story on and on, you've lost interest, and as you back away, they start talking faster and faster and moving all up in your personal space!
If you are a high I, pay attention to the verbal cues of others around you. If you see them stepping back and lacking interest, allow for some space. Remember,
Sometimes people need space to breathe and to process what you say, and sometimes high I's are rattling off things so fast they lose people. Slow things down, and remember that conversations are a two-way street.
If an I-wired child misbehaves, the cold shoulder is just...cold. This feels like complete rejection to them. Instead, tell them what they did wrong, why it was wrong, and what the consequence will be. Alone time can be a teaching tool that isn’t just shunning them - but helping them to sit with their thoughts without the distractions of friends, and really comprehend what they did. Always allow them to right their wrongs, so they feel fully back in good graces, and reassure them that you love them and know they will make a better choice next time!
And remember, precociousness and play are the essence of your high I. Give them space to get their energy out - especially if they need to do something task-oriented (like schoolwork). Often times what we see as acting out has more to do with lack of direction and focus.
What Are You Taking Personally?
If you can relate to either of these styles above, keep in mind the level of energy you may bring into a room. And remember, it's very likely you'll relate to more than one personality style - we are complex and adaptable human beings!
High energy personalities can be the fuel that empowers the masses, gets them excited, and creates the buzz that spreads for a huge impact. Recognize, though, that, while your energy is strong, there are other approaches to life. The fast pace and excitement that may fuel you would go haywire in a tense operating room where quiet and a focused slow pace are key. Remember, if someone is pulling back, shutting down or otherwise not responding well to you, it may have nothing to do with you and everything to do with them.
Don't take things personally. I share this Ted talk all the time. Pay attention to when you aren't getting the response you want, and look at two things -
- Is it really about me? (maybe this is completely something they are going through)
- Am I connecting like I wanted to? (maybe it IS about me and my desired outcome isn't happening, so what do I need to adjust within my control)?
Pay attention to what that goal is in your relationship - if it's to connect to another, it's critical to understand how you best process and receive. If you want to connect to another, it's vital you pay attention to their cues - both verbal and nonverbal, and see if they are responding to you in a way that enforces that connection has been made. If not, what is in your control to adjust?
Your Weekly Challenge:
Pay attention to your conversations this week. Are you the high energy person? Or are you being drained by them?
If you haven't yet, make sure you've got my Success Secrets for Work and Home for communication tips for every personality style.
If you are high energy, make sure you're giving someone space to engage in the conversation and it's not just one-sided.
Count to seven when there is a break in conversation or you ask a question. Pay attention to who all speaks up when you create more space for it.
If you don't relate to a higher energy style like one of these, be sure you communicate your needs. Simply stating, "I appreciate what you have to say, however I have a previous commitment I need to get ready for now" will get you way further in establishing a positive relationship than just listening to someone rattle on and on while you build up resentment (and they learn that it's okay to drone on and you'll take it). Communicate your needs. When you need space, voice it. It's okay. The majority of the population needs to take a break, recharge, have space to process and think...so remember you speak for the majority of people, not the minority. You speaking up paves the way for high energy personalities to have a better understanding on how to get the best out of you, and helps them have more awareness of those who may not process in the same way.
When we are open about sharing our own insights into who we are, we don't leave someone with a guessing game on how to interact. The more we can be true to what brings out the best in us, the more we can celebrate how the uniqueness in each of us strengthens all of us. Namaste.
- What Is A DISC Personality Assessment?
- Get your free download of "Success Secrets for Home and Work" here
- 7 Seconds Will Change Your Communication and Connection (Episode 62)
- Perspectives on Attraction (Episode 223)
- What's Left Unsaid - Nonverbal Cues (Episode 192)
- Which is More Important - Skillset or Mindset? (Episode 218)
- Self-Love, or Self-Sabotage? (Episode 152)
- Ashley Logsdon, Relationship Coach
- Personality Styles
Questions or comments?
Personality styles, marriage/intimacy, parenting, education, minimalism or travel - what is pressing on your mind?
Or, hop on over to the Unschooling Families FB group and ask your question there!