How do we raise our children to lead and leave an impact in a positive way? In this episode, I want to take inspiration from a business email I got this week about leadership, and extend it to the powerful element of simply raising good humans who will be leaders due to the positive impact they leave in their wake.
In this episode, Nathan and I explore the four tenets of being a leader, which we believe translates to simply being a "Good Human" and the ripple effect that causes.
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Raising Kids
We talked recently about being the unschooling parent, and how that doesn't mean we are focused on ensuring our children hit every developmental milestone when they need to or that they are full of facts and knowledge. Our focus is simply on raising good humans - and that means human beings that are aware and respectful of who they are and how that impacts all around them - both people and things.
The reality of it is this - we are all kids of different sizes with different levels of maturity to handle what life may bring our way. I've met children with more emotional and mental maturity of some adults I know, and I've found that the knowledge set of "book smarts" only gets you so far - yet who you are as a person and how well you relate to others - this is what truly opens doors for you to learn anything you want.
What is your "life Empire"?
In my work with both Mama Says Namaste and 48 Days, I often find overlap with what I'm learning about and pushing myself on in personal development. There is powerful life application beyond your work.
Beyond the "work empire", what is your full "life empire"? What impact you having beyond your work? As I was exploring an email from one of my own mentors, Deb Ingino, I saw yet another opportunity for overlap, where I take the principles she laid out and apply this to overall life.
There is this thought that leadership has to be this authoritarian regime, yet there are so many other ways to lead. In parenting, we've already seen that there are a multitude of different parenting style approaches. Authoritarian is only one way to move people, and there are plenty of arguments for the destructiveness of this strategy.
There are so many ways you can help your child - and you - find their excellence in leadership, and simply being a good human - just by looking at how to lead based on their unique personality style.
If you were looking to hire a leader, would you hire you?
And can I get real clear on what I mean by leader? If you have people watching you and being impacted by what you do, you are a leader. If you are a parent, you are a leader. We all have the opportunity - and responsibility - to recognize how what we do impacts others.
#1 - Are You Grounded?
The first of the four tenets is to be grounded. Ages ago I watched this video on the literal act of "grounding":
Being grounded really focuses on being present with yourself and your connection to a larger whole. Grounding is helping you navigate the piles of emotions swimming underneath the surface, and you can settle the chaos without spewing it out to others.
We advocate for really getting to know who you are so you can better understand how to bring out your light - and to then work with our children to be more rounded as they can stay grounded with the goodness that is the core of who they are.
Are you finding ways to get grounded every day - to get you to your center, your roots, and your inner calm? Are you able to find any namaste and om in your life on a daily basis?
Helping ourselves and our children look for opportunities to bring us back to our center is so important - pay attention to the energy around you and if it's working for or against you. And if you're feeling way "in the clouds", get grounded. Literally and figuratively.
#2: Are You Growing?
When I see a growth mindset, I see a willingness to look beyond your own perspective and an understanding there is more to learn, always.
This is hands-down the biggest connector for me with people. When you have a growth mindset, recognizing that others are coming from their perspective yet open to exploring what they may not know yet, it's a whole different experience than two people talking at each other, simply trying to convince the other of their perspective. This is a poem I share often as I'm helping people understand the importance of how perspective impacts your world view:
So how do we show this "growth mindset" approach to our children? It's by being vulnerable and honest with the fact that we don't have all the answers, either!
On the podcast, Nathan asked me how we can best foster a growth mindset in our kids, and we both agreed, the biggest way we can instill it in our children is to live it ourselves. It's inviting our children to learn and grow with us, and is so much the essence of our functional education model.
And, on the podcast above, you'll hear how I got the opportunity just this week to get feedback personally on how I want to be a better human, and it was a perfect time to be the example of growth and acceptance for my daughter.
#3: Are You Grateful?
Even in our growing pains, what can we be grateful for? What can we get out of it? How can you find gratitude for how it's helping to form you into a good human? Being a good human doesn't mean you do it all right; it's simply meaning you're seeking the good in any situation; looking for what you can do to bring the best out of yourself and others for the common good.
You will continue to morph and grow, and sometimes, when it's overwhelming and we feel chaos or feel stuck with a fixed mindset, the best thing we can do to shift out of it is to shift to gratitude.
Growth takes friction
And through that friction, it can create a backward-looking process of "I could have/I should have" where you can beat yourself up over the growth that may be a bit bumpy along the way. Shifting to gratitude is the best way we've found to move through those yucky feelings to something that inspires us forward.
When we shift our attention to all we are grateful for, it takes up the space we were using for all those things that ticked us off. Be careful what stories you write - what would it look like if you were to write your story with gratitude as the center?
#4: Are You Generous?
Sometimes the best giving you can give is to receive. Maybe you're giving in a multitude of ways. Think of the Five Love Languages and how we can give of our time, services, love, words, and yes, we can give with money as well. What goes around, comes around. I've drilled into our kids that "every action has a consequence", and the importance of recognizing that we reap what we sow.
If you have a big wanter, that's okay. Simply think about what you want. You want more attention? Give it to others. You want more appreciation? Show gratitude to others. You want more respect? Show it to even the tiniest animal or thing. Reciprocity is legit - instead of seeking it in others, go ahead and give freely. Yes, I believe it will come back to you when your motive is as pure in your desire to give as much is your wanter is big. In other words, we don't give generously so we can get; we give generously because we believe in abundance where we ALL can be fulfilled.
Your Weekly Challenge:
Look at these four traits. Would you hire you as a leader in life?
- Are you grounded?
- Are you growing?
- Are you grateful?
- Are you generous?
Everyone's head can be a dark and nasty place. So get intentional about what comes out of your mouth!
If you aren't happy with the way things are going, recognize you will continue to make the same batter with the same ingredients. Switch it up and try more gratitude on for a while. See what it does.
It's not that we don't have frustration and moments of conflict and disconnect - both with ourselves and others. However, we invest so much in depositing positivity, encouragement and gratitude into our lives to counterbalance those not so great moments and feelings. When we load on the support and positivity, it tends to take over - and that becomes our focus so the others are more blips on the radar.
You are a part of your whole family, and the energy you bring to it will impact everyone else in it. And if you cannot grow together, you are at risk of growing apart. So focus on being grounded, growing, grateful and generous this week, and bring that awareness to how the uniqueness in each of us strengthens all of us. Namaste.
Dig Deeper:
- How to Eliminate Toxicity and Thrive with Organic Relationships
- Om and Namaste - what does it all mean?
- 10 Essential Lessons for Life: The Abundance Mentality
- To Give Is To.....Receive!
- What Is A DISC Personality Assessment?
- Tendencies, Unmet Expectations & Personality Clashes (Episode 137)
- Personality Styles
- Parent Styles – Are they helpful or harmful? (Episode 102)
- The Four Tenets of Solid Leadership by Deb Ingino
- TOXIC RELATIONSHIPS AND WHAT TO DO ABOUT THEM (EPISODE 57)
- The Unschooling Parent (Episode 194)
- Navigating toxic behavior (Episode 176)
- Dealing With “Prickly” People and Toxicity (Episode 209)
- Fighting Toward a Win-Win (Episode 9)
- Welcome to the Fight Club - Choose Wisely (Episode 34)
- Parenting Decisions (Episode 204)
Questions or comments?
Personality styles, marriage/intimacy, parenting, education, minimalism or travel - what is pressing on your mind?
Or, hop on over to the Unschooling Families FB group and ask your question there!