The best gift you can give to a giver is to receive the gift well. 

Navigating Stress and Anxiety Around the Holidays

In typical high D fashion, Juliet went straight to the heart of it all with her first question to me - "how do you navigate stress and anxiety during the holiday season?"

And, in typical unschooling parent fashion, I turned the question right back to her. I asked her what stress and anxiety meant to her, and her explanation was profound. She explained it as a heavy and uncomfortable feeling, which I so relate to! We talked about how those come about, and what we do to navigate it. It boils down to three biggies here - 

#1 - Deep Breath; Get Present

The first was simply breathing deep and getting back to center. It's knowing that when those feelings happen, they are often anxiety and stress about something in the past or future, and simply sitting in the moment and finding gratitude in what is can be a great opportunity to refocus. 

#2 - Get Clear On Your Why

Second, pay attention to what you really want to add in. Are you forcing an outing to see Christmas lights when you're already maxed and traffic is horrible and only half the family wants to go? Is it worth it, really?

Are you stressing about the obligatory gift for the person who never acknowledges anything you give, anyway? Why are you continuing when even your gift-giving is starting to build resentment in you? Is it helping your relationship?

Does it make you anxious just thinking about the awkward meal with the people who you have nothing in common anymore? Maybe it's okay to acknowledge that life has seasons, and sometimes that includes the people who are in it, awesome as they may be. 

#3 - Let Go 

And lastly, let go of the agenda. Let go of what is "should" look like and embrace what is. We didn't have the grand gingerbread houses and all the awesome pictures of them. We did them for one silly afternoon with Poppa D, and they looked...okay. And we decided to have fun and then leave them out and see what happens as they break down in nature. Not quite the original plan, and it was fun!

Or the sugar cookies...which I'd opted not to do because I didn't want to gather up all the supplies. So what happened? We got a box in the mail with all the supplies compiled by the girls' fabulous great-aunt! We had a great time making sugar cookies, and shared the goodness with our neighbors to spread the love (and minimize the sugar overload). 

Or the Christmas lights and going so big and elaborate...we decided it wasn't worth the hassle for us - we let go of what was difficult. We let go of pressure to perform. We let go of forcing happiness or an agenda on others.  

And our little Christmas tree and laser lights look just fine for the holidays. 

What Do You Love About Christmas?

Juliet's next question to me opens the door to another little twist on Christmas - the joy of seeing receiving! Yes - for people who love to give, it really makes a difference how well people receive it. Jules and I both love giving gifts, and the delight of someone discovering it's something they love. We get excited about them enjoying a gift, or realizing how much we were thinking of them. It's a beautiful thing to not only give a gift from the heart (and no, those aren't always physical things), but to be able to truly receive a gift with gratitude for the intention behind it. 

This year, it's the first time in five years that we are in a "sticks and bricks" house - a stationary house where we have a big Christmas tree and an easy place to ship presents. We have stocked up on much-needed essentials, as well as opened the door to some fun in physical forms more this year than the past five years for sure. 

And, with the influx of presents, it can all get lost in the process of just plowing through opening them all up on Christmas day. So I went to those questions above and asked myself, what, really, is the point, of waiting for everything for Christmas day, when we have time right now to be together and really enjoy each gift as we get it?

We pace the gift-giving with space for soaking in the delight.

What Do You Want for the New Year?

I love Juliet's insights here - she talked about patience, being more caring and loving, and, ultimately, her goal is to experience more empathy. More opportunities to learn from others vs. just speaking her mind. How insightful and a beautiful goal to aspire to!

We talked about some recent stats from a parenting magazine on a parent poll:

• 70% of parents say the pandemic made them better parents.
• 58% feel their child's generation will do a better job of accepting difference than their own generation has. 
• 52% wish more than anything to see a more peaceful, less violent world for their kids, followed by the hope for greater economic opportunities for their kids (16%) and fewer people living in poverty (9%). 
• 74% of parents feel that one of their greatest strengths as a parents is their ability to show their child how loved they are, followed by spending time with them (71%), always being there for them (67%), and encouraging them to be and do their best (64%). 
• 84% say the pandemic strengthened their relationship with their kids. 
• 50% feel their kids will focus more on being happy in life than their own generation has.

(taken from Parents Magazine, Nov 2021 edition) 

The past two years have been really hard on so many. Any time we experience dramatic change, it can take its toll, and the past two years has brought so much change and uncertainty. Yet, in this process, it's also brought to light what all is broken, it's pushed us to face our own shadows, and to really ask ourselves what we want out of life. And, I believe it has given us all the opportunity to be a little more human. To have a little more empathy, grace and compassion, and to bring a bit more awareness to how our impact creates a ripple effect around us. 

Spread Kindness

So our desire for the new year is to spread kindness, awareness, empathy and support. Juliet shared about how important it is to listen. The Dalai Lama says, "When you talk, you are only repeating what you already know. But if you listen, you might learn something new."

Your Weekly Challenge:

Now is the time to soak it up. Soak it all in and enjoy the gift of receiving this time to rest, recover, recharge, and celebrate how the uniqueness in each of us strengthens all of us. Namaste.