Giving our Children everything

#1 - Entertain Less

This was our focus two episodes ago, as we talked all about how we don't try and entertain our children all the time. Boredom is a-okay in our book, as it opens the door to innovation and creativity. 

Be careful about screentime, and think twice about going down the Pinterest black hole of comparisons and craftiness. Think about how a coloring book may open the door to a child building fine motor skills, yet ultimately, a true artist is creating their own art, not coloring in the lines of someone else's. With screens and Pinterest ideas, are you simply pre-packaging all the entertainment to be presented in a certain way?

Entertain less, and watch your children innovate and create more. 

#2 - Buy Less

On that same note, buying fewer things means there is less to be overwhelmed by, less decisions to be made, and more opportunity to create on your own. One glaring truth I realized when we hit the road full-time was that sibling spats seemed to be in direct relation to how many toys they were navigating. When we hit the road and reduced their toys down to essentially a few stuffed animals and art supplies, their entitlement and ownership became less of a focus, and more collaboration came to the forefront. There are options beyond toys to get children excited.

Buy less, and watch your children experience gratitude for what they have, and explore more.

#3 - Schedule Less

In our jam-packed schedules, we rarely make room for down time and recovery. 

When I learned to pace my energy-sucking activity to a reasonable amount each day, some days I cover a lot because it's lower energy, other days I'm doing one big public thing and I know that's all I can handle. Pay attention to the personality styles in your home. Do you have someone who really needs to recharge after socializing? Packing in a picnic, parade and party in one day is most likely way too much. Balance those things that pull your energy with how you are going to recharge. Rest is so, so important. For our physical and mental health, it's vital we not only breathe out all that productivity, but we breath in rest and recovery. 

When I start to feel that unease in my gut of too much on my plate, I have gotten more and more comfortable with really asking myself, is this absolutely necessary at this exact time?

Schedule less, and experience stillness and calm with no agenda.

#4 - Referee Less

I know how easy it is to jump in and manage an altercation with kids. With both Nathan and I having a background as preschool teachers, we know how to redirect and eliminate battles to keep the peace in a group.

However. Are you really helping your child if you're the one problem-solving every interaction? Disagreeing with someone is rarely perfectly smooth and easy. It can be awkward, clunky, and uncomfortable. It's an important skillset to be able to navigate. Instead of refereeing for your children, try asking them questions and sharing tools for negotiation vs. doing it for them. 

Referee less so your children learn to navigate and problem solve on their own.

#5 - Hover Less

And finally...stop hovering. I read an article that stated this:

"We spend so much time protecting our children, we forget to let them live. When we hover over them and perseverate over safety, our fears can undermine a child’s confidence. These fears rob them of their independence. Instead of hovering, let’s instill a sense of responsibility and natural curiosity for the world."  (Denaye Barahona)

Can you pull back and let your child simply be? No one has shown me this lesson better than my youngest, Juliet. Having the same personality style as I do, she and I both can default to anger as our main emotion when we get frustrated or upset. The last thing in the world either of us need is someone hovering around trying to make us happy again. 

Juliet has shared about what all she does when she gets mad in some previous podcast episodes. In my pulling back and giving her space to be angry, she worked through what tools would help her most. And now, as I stay back and give her space, I'll often hear her belting out her feelings in Broadway-style singing, as she re-centers herself and lets her emotions flow. 

Give your children the space to test out the tools for independence that will best help them thrive. Hover less, so they can truly live more. 

Don't get so lost in the doing that you forget you are a human being. Just be. Allow others to do the same. Rest. Give space for others - including your children - to show up how they want to, and let them learn through trial and error what best gets them what they want. It's in those uncomfortable interactions and times of not having everything planned out that we really step into who we want to be and what impact we truly want to have.

Celebrate something small in each one of your family members this week. Appreciate a creative moment, or when they problem-solved on their own. We each have a different beat to our drum, and when we can give respect to the various rhythms, we can celebrate how the uniqueness in each of us strengthens all of us. Namaste.