Juliet Talks Feelings: Wisdom from an 8-year-old (Episode 165)
This week our youngest daughter, Juliet, turns 8 years old. I asked her what we should talk about on the podcast this week, and she wanted to share how she personally has learned to navigate the ups and downs of her emotions.
We’ve talked about how to communicate effectively, both in how to talk to others, and how to listen well, we've looked at how to recharge on a regular basis. And now, we'll address that beautiful thing called emotional resilience.
Emotional Resilience isn't about denying emotions;
it's about learning how to navigate your boat.
In our home, we're big on feeling every emotion. And boy do we feel them largely! Did you know that every personality style tends to default to a main emotional style? While it's not the end-all-be-all, different personality styles use different emotions to fuel them forward.
High Ds use anger...and this doesn't simply have to be a negative - channelling anger in a healthy way can push you further physically and/or mentally with that extra energy boost.
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I personality styles may sit in the feeling of optimism, seeking the silver lining in everything. While it may be a coping mechanism, it can also be a beautiful way to look at "what does this make possible?"
S personality styles can actually default to apathy or non-emotion. While in one sense this can seem like checking out, their ability to sit in a non-emotive state allows them to really observe without agenda and assess before moving forward.
And C styles may default to fear...and that fear helps them to make calculated decisions while seriously weighing the consequences.
Resilience requires bouncing back
With emotional resilience, however, it's not just about sitting in one emotion, but allowing all the emotions in. Not just wallowing emotion, but allowing it to really flow through you.
For our kiddos, they feel it all - dissapointment, fear, anger, frustration, sadness and more. Yet they also feel a lot of good. They've recognized how to pursue the good feelings and allow the not so good feelings to do their work in them and move past.
Juliet's Emotional Resilience Strategies:
Your Personality Makes A Difference
Different personality styles are going to approach emotions in different ways, and need different things to process through.
While Juliet allows her emotions to flow through in a big personality sort of way, her older sister, Clara, definitely is more of an internal processor. And for her, navigating these same emotions may be done through things like taking a quiet walk, journalling, just sitting in silence...
So with understanding DISC personality styles, here are some ways to process and navigate when you're feeling stuck.
- When a high D is stressed, it's best to get out of the way. Since Ds are confrontational and task-focused, they are more likely to bite than other styles. A high D does well hyper-focusing in on something and seeing it through to completion. This gives a sense of accomplishment and also helps to channel their energy into something they feel in control of.
- A high I style may look to others for support. They need companionship and socialization. When an I is feeling big feelings, they often need to verbally process them out loud, and having a friend willing to hear them ramble can mean the world. They may just need to feel heard and accepted.
- An S personality style, when stressed, may very well retreat inward or even mask their emotion so well that no one realizes it until the dam bursts and it's too much. Ss need a safe place to simply be with no pressure, so allowing for them to go at their own pace can be really helpful.
- And a C style needs allllll the space. Literal blank space. It’s a beautiful thing. Sometimes Cs can get so lost in all the details they completely lose sight of the big picture. Sometimes the in-your-face shift of actually getting up and intentionally looking at a blank space helps to reset and pull a C back to the bigger picture and get out of the weeds of details. When I’m at my computer all day, it does wonders to just take a break every hour, walk outside and feel the ground beneath my feet and see the vastness of the big beautiful sky…with tons of space to just be.
Choose your Own Emotion
Instead of choosing your own adventure, think about what emotions will serve you well. Is it the emotion you tend to default to, or is another a better focus? Is this an emotion you want to sit in or let go of?
Some additional resources for you
- How to Recharge beyond a Vacation (Episode 164)
- The Secret To Active Listening (Episode 163)
- It’s the end of the world…as we know it (Episode 138)
- Feeling Inside Out and Upside Down? Feel All the Feels (Episode 141)
- Who Owns Your Boat? On Anger and the Law of Attraction (Episode 142)
- The Steps For Emotional Resilience (Episode 150)
- Dealing With Heavy Emotions (Episode 68)
- Does My Life Reflect What I Care About? What Example Have I Set?
- Learn more about DISC Personality Styles
Your Weekly Challenge:
Think about the three emotions we talked through with Juliet - how are you personally navigating anger, fear, and sadness? How are your children?
Do you know what you can do to work your way through an emotion?
It's important to recognize that all of the emotions are necessary. And some of those ones we may deem as negative - sadness, anger and fear, for example, are important catalysts for change in our lives.
These emotions - and navigating our way in and through them - are what build up our resilience and help us grow through life. It's not in the denial of our emotions but in the acceptance of them and how they can work FOR us that we truly can recognize how the uniqueness in each of us strengthens all of us! Namaste.