Embracing the Chaos: 3 Tenets to Show Up In Your Life and Relationships (Episode 336) ⋆ Mama Says Namaste

Embracing the Chaos: 3 Tenets to Show Up In Your Life and Relationships (Episode 336)

Valentine's Day happened this week, so of course, our topic is love. I was talking with my daughters the other day about holiday celebrations and where we stand right now. How do you really show love to your partner? There are three layers of this we'll get to here. 

There was a time I had my act together, and I did a lot to celebrate the holidays. And since we've been traveling, the way we've celebrated has shifted a lot. There have been more holidays than not where I've done nothing to prep. I take full ownership of that. I'm not going to make excuses. We all have 364 days to prepare for these annual events.

And yet. 

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Sometimes we beat ourselves up over this idea of the way things SHOULD be.

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The main goal of holidays in my world is to celebrate with gratitude together - to enjoy what we have created as humans in our community and cultures and spend time together in "hygge".

So how do we celebrate with each other, truly? I think it boils down to two words.

Show up

Yep, that's it. Show up. If you want to celebrate people in your life, and this culture you may love, let it boil down to this. Show up. Be present. 

Being present isn't online unless you're on a video call with a loved one. Social media is not being present. Texting someone else isn't being present with who - or what - might be right in front of you. 

If you want to foster a relationship, literally show your face. Make eye contact. 

Remember what is right in front of you. It's easy to justify our actions because there are a lot of things we can do with great intentions. I'm grateful for the role the internet has played in expanding our knowledge and our connections. Yet who will be around your bedside in your final days?

Making connections in the online world can give you some warm fuzzies, but oftentimes, it can also pull you away from the present moment. When I talk about showing up, it really boils down to 3 different levels of how people show up. Looking inward, looking forward, and looking together.

#1: Looking Inward

You've heard this from me time and time again - as much as my father has always said "85% of the process of finding the work you love is by looking inward first", I could say the same thing about being with the one you love. 

Are you willing to face who you are right at this moment - recognizing those things you love as well as what you want to work on?

Can you treat yourself with the respect and kindness you aim to impart to others? 

So you did this, that, and the other. Whatever the bumpy trail is, it got you to where you are right now. And that is what is true for you at this moment. Once you have a heading on who you want to become, then you can start marching in that direction. It's that easy.

Who do you want to be? How do you want others to see and perceive you right now? Are you walking the life you talk about? What are you representing in yourself?

You always have a chance to start right now stepping into who you want to be. 


How do I want to show up? Who am I in this moment? Am I proud of that? Or am I feeling like I need to defend or justify who I'm being because deep down, I need to step it up a little bit? 

It's taking personal responsibility for who you are. It's owning your past and recognizing it doesn't have to be your future. 

It's being willing to face yourself, and that can be a hard thing to do. So when I say show up, number one, it's looking inward.

Give yourself some love. Take responsibility for your actions and how much they align with the intentions around who you want to be and how you want to show up in this world. 

"

"One of the things that I learned when I was selling real estate is the importance of taking care of myself. I could burn myself out just giving. I did some pretty hardcore sales, and I'm not a "salesy" guy. But, you know, the way I justified that was that I was helping my client find what they were looking for - what they wanted to make into a home.


And so in that work, I just realized that in trying to help people, I only had so much of a thermostat. I only have so much juice to really help people every day. If I wasn't taking time to recover and be prepared for what I knew would be a crazy day and I came home fried to my family who was excited waiting to see me, it was kind of my fault."   


Nathan LogsdonMama Says Namaste Podcast


Nathan learned some tactics to set some boundaries around his work as well as how to refresh himself and allow a little transition time before he came home to us. 

We can't give from a full cup. That means you have to take into account how you are taking care of yourself, your needs, and your own growth.

That doesn't mean you stand on your island of self-care and don't take into account other people in your life. That is why there are 3 parts of showing up. 

Caveat: You're working toward fullness here. You will never be 100% "ready" in life - we continue to evolve and learn every single day. Just like you don't sleep once and you're golden to be awake the rest of your life, you will continue to have new opportunities to seek healing and growth in your life on a daily basis. You're not waiting for that perfect point of "wholeness" so you can be available to others. 

Look inward. Check-in at who you are right now in this moment. Then, look forward to where you want to be. 

#2: Looking Forward

After you look inward, it's time to look forward. Who are you becoming? The little habits today become part of your identity tomorrow. 

You start acting in the direction of your desire. You're not going to show up in a relationship and nail it with a home run every single day. Yet showing up every single day increases your odds for sure. 

Part of the joy I have in my relationship with Nathan is learning from and with him. When we are both learning and growing as individuals, we have that rich content to bring back to our conversations and experiences with each other. 

It seems like two aspects of this three-legged stool of "showing up" are pretty solitary. Yet when we take into account both of these, then we're able to fully show up at the height of our capacity to others. Our full cups are constantly brimming with growth and recharge, allowing us to more easily show up for others. 

#3: Looking Together

What is the third layer? It's all about togetherness. How do you look at life...together?

Looking together is communicating. It's looking inward and forward, and recognizing your partner isn't a mind reader to see where you've come or where you've headed. That's up to you to share with them. When you see yourselves as a team that requires both moving forward, communication is key. Otherwise, you're simply roommates bumping into each other who function more in reaction versus intention. 

The third component of this is all about vulnerability and truly getting vulnerable with yourself and communicating it to your partner. 

  • I'm not feeling the greatest about myself, and I've recognized I've spent more time sitting on my phone than being out in nature. I'm going to start my mornings this week with a daily walk - wanna join me?
  • I've recognized I'm holding on some past issues, and it's time for me to seek some help for that so I don't continue to bring it into our marriage now. 
  • I've noticed our relationship has felt a little stale lately. How about we take an evening to just go on a date and talk with each other? I'd like to hear what you're dreaming of right now.

In this step of communicating together, there is a profound vulnerability. It's being willing to speak as if you are on a team, trusting they are also looking out for you and how you are both showing up together. 

If I share hesitation about our relationship and we're working side-by-side instead of together, it's easy to get on the defensive. Yet sharing concerns and being open as if you're hearing the other insights and strategies for you to "win the game" is a whole different ballgame. 

Simply look at it as a sports game (oh the irony since we are so not a sporty family). When you're on a soccer team and your teammate comes up and shares an insight into a play, you don't get mad you didn't think of it or defensive; you see the asset to the team as a whole and strategize how to support one another to win the goal. Can you do that in your home? Can you look at a bigger goal - of loving each other well, and supporting one another - versus simply a need to be right or in control? 

This circles us back to the fear of rejection, which would bring us to "looking inward" again. If you're feeling defensive when your partner communicates to you, is there something else going on here? Get real with where your defensiveness comes from, and try approaching communication as clarification for you both to thrive, not them "winning". 

I'm grateful for this world Nathan and I get to create together. I'm grateful for the fact that when I fall on my butt and mess up, which I know I will, I have grace enough for myself to get back up and grow from it, and Nathan has grace enough for me (through the deposits we've put in our relationship) that we're gonna grow together through it. 

Life is messy. We aren't ever going to operate from a perfectly full and pristine cup. When we can take life with a little bit of gratitude and grace, it can help so much. 

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Your Weekly Challenge:

Let your Valentine's week reminder be that you can show up any time in your relationship - and the more you do that, the more you'll have those "valentine" moments throughout the rest of your life.

It takes three things to show up fully in this life:

  • Look Inward
  • Look Forward
  • Look Together

We're not in this life alone. We're all bumping into one another and impacting way more than ourselves. We have a ripple effect in this life in so many ways. So how are you showing up? Show up for yourself, your partner, and this life you're creating. It's an amazing journey when we stop and take notice. 

Nathan and Ashley Logsdon

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Ashley Logsdon

Ashley Logsdon is a Family and Personality Styles Coach and Lifelong Learner. She and her husband Nathan are RVing the States and unschooling their 3 girls. Her mission is to shift the mindsets of families from reaction to intention, and guide them in creating the family they love coming home to. Looking deeper than the surface, we assess the strengths, triggers, and simplifying your lifestyle so you truly recognize how the uniqueness in each of us strengthens all of us. Join the Mama Says Namaste Facebook Group

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